Down Memory-Lane
by joshparrilla
Summary: A month after Erin Strauss' death, David Rossi finds himself remembering many situations he had lived with her. Dive into 33 years of history between Strauss and Rossi.
1. Broken

**The broken clock is a comfort**  
**It helps me sleep tonight**  
**Maybe it can start tomorrow**  
**From stealing all my time**  
**And I am here still waiting**  
**Though I still have my doubts**  
**I am damaged at best**  
**Like you've already figured out**  
**I'm falling apart**  
**I'm barley breathing**  
**With a broken heart**  
**That's still beating**  
**In the pain**  
**There is healing**  
**In your name**  
**I find meaning. (Broken by Lifehouse)**

David sat in his office staring at a picture of Erin and him that had been taken by Garcia at JJ's wedding. He remembered he had danced with her all night long except for the few seconds he had danced with Emily. He studied the picture and could see a genuine smile on the blonde woman's face that proved the month in rehab had been exactly what she needed. The smile showed she was back in control of her life and enjoying every minute of it.

In the darkness of his office, a month after the woman he loved, and still did, had died, all the memories of the things he had lived with her, galloped back into his mind. He had known Erin Strauss for 33 years, more than half his life.

_1980 (33 years ago)_

"Dave, I want you to meet one of the few women who work at the FBI." Johnson, Rossi's partner at the moment, said. "This is Erin. Erin Strauss."  
"Hi. Nice to meet you, Agent Rossi."

David saw a beautiful young woman dressed in black pants, a white button down shirt and a black and white blazer. Her blonde hair fell right on her shoulders and made her eyes shine brighter. He could see the woman worked out. She was skinny but her arms looked perfectly strong and she had a nice well-formed ass.

"The pleasure is all mine." Rossi said as he leaned down to kiss her hand and saw her blushing. "It's Friday night and we don't work tomorrow, how about I buy you a drink?"  
"I'd love that."  
"Later, Johnson!"

Liked that, both young agents made their way down to the bar. Erin couldn't keep her eyes off of David. She felt attracted to his Italian charms and the way he acted around everyone. Even if they had just met, she knew he was the kind of man who acted tough but was all soft inside. Everyone in the office knew he liked to go around and had a different woman every weekend, but she didn't care, she wanted to get to know him.

"Surprises me that you had no date tonight, Agent Rossi."  
"Please call me Dave. Agent Rossi makes me feel old when we are actually the same age."  
"Okay, Dave." She took a sip of her drink and waited for him to reply to her previous comment.  
"She decided not to come half an hour before I picked her up, no time to find a replacement."  
"Oh, so I'm the replacement now?"  
"No Erin, you have too much of a personality to be replaced. I knew who you were before Johnson introduced us."  
"You need a strong personality when there are only three women working at the FBI."  
"Point taken."

David had heard a lot about Erin Strauss but he had never actually met her. She didn't look like the bitch they all made her sound like. In fact, he believed she was still a young insecure agent who wanted to succeed but didn't know how. She was too beautiful to be such a bitch and he wanted to get to know her. To learn everything about her and then get his own opinion of her.

"Married Erin?" He said just to hear her answer since he had already noticed she wasn't wearing a ring.  
"No." She took another sip of her drink and made a mental note that she should stop before she got too drunk like it always happened. "Are you?"  
"Recently divorced. Actually, I've been divorced for a month or so."  
"Really?" Erin looked surprise. "I've heard about you having different women but never heard about your wife."  
"I kept it pretty private, especially when I started cheating on her."  
"Such a gentleman."  
He laughed. "I actually am a gentleman, but, between you and me, I'm afraid of commitment."  
"That doesn't surprise me. Doesn't surprise me at all."  
"Why?"  
"You don't seem like the kind of man who would commit to only one woman. Plus, all the stories going around about you and your lady friends don't help your reputation."  
"I don't think it helps but at least people don't look at me like the blonde bitch."  
Erin let out a genuine laugh. "Oh darling, I know how they call me and it's because you are all men afraid that I will one day become chief and be your boss."  
"A boss with nice ass."  
"What can I say? I work out." She winked at him and took another sip of her drink.

She liked David Rossi. He didn't make her sound like a bitch like the rest of the men at the FBI and he actually took the time to talk to her. No one from the office would have offered to buy her a drink and spend their Friday night with her. Of course she knew he was just a player and would try to find the time to get her into his bed, but for now she was enjoying his company. She knew he was flirting but what surprised her most was that she was flirting back. Never before had she dreamed about flirting with one of her fellow agents, it felt so weird yet so natural. Like she was meant to be at that bar that night having drinks with David Rossi and flirting once in a while. She felt good for the first time in a long time.

Since she had entered the FBI she had been the blonde bitch. The other two women, Tracey and Tanya, slept with every single man at the office so they all joked about them and didn't take them seriously. Erin knew she didn't want that for herself and she promised herself she would never sleep with one of her co-workers. She'd rather be the blonde bitch than the blonde slut. But as she looked at Rossi across the table, she knew she would make an exception for him. She wouldn't like to be one of Agent Rossi's many girls but she knew inside herself that if she slept with him everything would be different.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Erin?"  
"No, I don't."  
"Then you will most definitely say yes to dancing with me."  
"I don't dance, Dave."  
"Oh come on! You are dancing tonight." He looked at her. "It's a slow motion song, it's easy."  
"Lead the way, Agent Rossi."

David led her to the dance floor and once there pulled her into him. He placed both his hands on the small of her back as she wrapped hers around his neck. Rossi was the one leading their bodies to the rhythm of the music. She just allowed him to hold her and followed the steps his body took, their bodies acted as one as they listened to the music and danced smoothly. He could smell the vanilla sent coming off her hair and smiled to himself thinking how her entire body probably smelled and tasted of vanilla as well.

"For not dancing, you are doing pretty damn good."  
"I'm just following your lead."  
"Well you do that greatly."  
Erin laughed lowly before resting her head against his shoulder. "This is nice."  
"It is. Who would have thought spending time with the blonde bitch would feel so good?"  
"That's because I'm full of surprises and I'm much more than the blonde bitch."  
"I know you are." He kissed her cheek. "You are much better than that."

Strauss smiled at him and before she could say anything else he kissed her softly. There were no feelings included in the kiss, because they had just met, but there was some sort of caring for one and other in it. David knew there was more to Erin Strauss than the blonde bitch from the office and Erin knew there was more to David Rossi than the man who changed women every single weekend. They were more than what others thought and they were willing to show that to each other, that they could be much better than what was said about them.


	2. Friends and Lovers

**What's wrong with you is good for what's wrong with me and I think maybe we should stick together. Because in the end, we are friends and lovers. We are friends and lovers. (Friends and Lovers by Incubus)**

_1983 (30 years ago):_

David walked out of the kitchen after spending an hour cooking an Italian recipe his mother had given him. He was the one to cook in the house since the few times Erin had attempted to do so, she almost burned the apartment down in the process. He didn't mind doing it since he loved food, both cooking and eating it. One of his passions was cooking and creating new recipes that always included pasta.

"Bella mia, dinner is ready!" He yelled from the kitchen door.  
"Dave, you don't need to yell, I'm right here." Erin laughed, a sound that brought happiness to his ears.

Rossi turned around to see, what he believed was, the most beautiful thing in the world. Strauss was laying barefoot on the couch wearing her black sweat pants and white tank top. He loved that time of the day in which they got to go home and she would get out of her regular black pants and white button-down shirt. When she was wearing comfortable clothes and all the make-up from the day had been washed away, she looked more beautiful than ever. Casually dressed Erin Strauss was his favorite.

"Oh how I love when you wear those sweat pants."  
"Actually, you love when you're able to get me out of my sweat pants." She laughed as she got up from the couch. "And that is not happening tonight."  
"Why not?"  
"I'm exhausted and you should be too."  
"I am never exhausted for some love making session."  
"Not tonight, Dave."  
"Okay, okay." He kissed her as he took their plates to the table. "We are eating mama's recipe tonight."  
"I love that recipe! I miss your mama, we should go back to Italy soon."  
"Maybe next year, Erin."

Erin sat down on his lap after he took his place. She usually did that every night after spending all day apart since all she wanted to do was feel close to him. For the last three years of their lives they had been dating secretly because she didn't want her co-workers talking about them. She knew they all wondered what was going on since David hadn't been dating anyone in the last three years. A part of her felt proud because she had been able to pull him out of his player days and found a way to prove him that relationships weren't always bad. He was the little piece of heaven that she needed to keep going strong as she worked in the FBI.

"Remember when we escaped that night in Italy and your family were looking for us everywhere?" She fed him as she looked at him. "You laughed so much when you saw their faces."  
"Well, it was really funny!"  
"I know it was but I wasn't going to laugh at them. I was the new girl in the family, silly."  
"You were and still are the perfect girl." He leaned forward to kiss her. "I love you, Erin Strauss."  
"I love you too, David Rossi." She kissed him back softly. "Your turn to feed me."

They took turns to feed each other between stories of their day or old memories from the last three years they've spent together. Everything they did and everything they said seemed so natural between them. He knew the way she moved and acted and she was able to tell what he was going to do or say next. They were so connected and their loved could be sensed all around them. David took care of her even when she wasn't asking for it and Erin made sure he always had what he needed to be the tough Italian guy she knew he was.

"Dinner was delicious." She kissed him and bit his lip gently. "Thank you for cooking, always."  
"It's my pleasure, Bella mia."  
"I love it when you call me like that because your Italian accent shows and makes me horny."  
"I could say a million things in Italian just for you."  
"No thank you, I do not want to be horny tonight."

Before he could say anything else, and she knew he would, she got up from his lap and ran to their bedroom. He chased after her and their laughter could be heard all over the apartment. Erin hid behind their bedroom door and jumped on his back once he was inside. David griped her thighs gently, holding her close to him. She planted small kisses on the back of his neck as he carried her to the bed. Slowly, not hurting her, he threw her onto the bed and then took his spot right next to hers.

"Dave," Erin got on top of him and rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart-beat, "do you think we'll ever get married and have children?"  
"You know I don't like to think about having children since I lost James."

David had a son with his first wife, Carolyn, back in 1979 but he had died on the same day. That was the reason he went out and cheated on Carolyn and brought his whole marriage down. Ever since that day, he never thought about having children anymore and that was something he'd warned Erin since the beginning. He understood she wanted to have children and he knew that one day in the future he would love to give her the gift of parenthood.

"I know, I know. Sorry I brought it up."  
"Don't be sorry. I know you want children and I promise you that if you give me time, I will give you the most beautiful children on Earth."  
"I'm not pressuring you, Dave."  
"I know you aren't pressuring me, I know that."  
"Good, because that's the last thing I'd do."  
He took a few seconds to think his next words. "Losing James was the most horrible pain I've ever felt and I wouldn't want any parent to go through that. I just feel like it was my fault he died, like there was something wrong in my DNA that made him pass away. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if we had a kid and he or she ended up dying."  
"David." Erin sat down on his stomach and looked down at him. "It is not your fault that James died. Neither yours nor Carolyn's. Sometimes awful things like this happen and they change our lives. Obviously we tend to blame ourselves because it's something we can't explain, but believe me when I say it's not your fault."

He moved the hair from her faced and tucked it behind her ear. David Rossi felt like the luckiest man in the world. He had found a woman who loved him and understood him better than anyone. And he knew that Erin felt the exact same way about him. Since the first night they met, they've been together and didn't doubt their relationship at all. They believed what they had was real and wouldn't be willing to lose it for anything in the world. When they were in their apartment with no one else and no worries wrapping them up, they felt inside a happy bubble that was unbreakable.

"We have dinner with your mother this weekend." He said as he made her rest her head back on his chest. "That shall be interesting."  
"Oh yeah, super interesting."  
David laughed. "I don't understand why that woman hates me so much, I've done nothing wrong."  
"She thinks you aren't the perfect fit for me and believes you're gonna take me through the wrong path."  
"If someone is going to take the other through the wrong path, it will be you! You walk around in your sexy sweat pants and tight tank tops and expect me not to be turned on."  
"There's nothing wrong about it." She laughed against his chest and he couldn't help it but smile. "I have to be sexy for my man, especially since you're used to seeing me in the same boring work clothes every single day."  
"I am not complaining about your work clothes, they make you look pretty damn sexy too. Especially when you wear skirts and show part of your legs, mamma mia!"  
"You are such a horny man!"  
"We Italians are romantic and passionate, not horny."  
"Practically the same thing with different words."  
"That is not true. Horny means that you just want the person, have sex with them and probably let them go. Instead, being romantic and passionate means you love the person and you want to make everything perfect for them, it's not about the sex, it's about the love making."  
"So…do we have sex or do we make love?"  
"Do you seriously have to ask me that Erin Strauss?"  
"I just want to hear the answer."  
"When it comes to you, Bella mia, we always make love. It's much more than just the sexual acts of our bodies getting together, it's about the love we have for one and other and how much we care about each other."  
"You always know your way around with words."  
"But when I talk to you, it comes from the bottom of my heart."

She knew he wasn't lying, everything he said to her came straight from his heart. It was something they had in common. They were always honest and spoke the true when it came to their feelings about each other. Erin always talked to him about everything, from her work to her pain in the ass mother. And David turned to her when he had doubts about a case or had to vent about his past or the way people talked about him. They were always the other's shoulder to cry and they kept each other strong. For her it was as though they had been born to be together, she just had to wait and see if their love could last forever.


	3. Without You

**But I guess that's just the way the story goes  
You always smile, but in your eyes  
Your sorrow shows  
Yes, it shows  
No I can't forget tomorrow  
When I think of all my sorrow  
When I had you there but then I let you go  
And now it's only fair that I should let you know  
What you should know  
I can't live  
If living is without you  
I can't live  
I can't give anymore  
I can't live  
If living is without you  
I can't give  
I can't give anymore. (Without You by Mariah Carey)**

_1985 (28 years ago):_

"Dave, I'm home!" She kicked her high heels off. "And I'm exhausted."

Erin started taking her button down shirt off as she walked to the bedroom. She thought it was weird David hadn't answered, but maybe he was sleeping. Everything was dark in the bedroom, she couldn't see a thing, so she took off the rest of her clothes and got in the bed just wearing her underwear.

As soon as she moved her arms to cuddle David, she felt a woman's body. For a second she thought she was in the wrong apartment but she immediately realized what was going on. David had cheated on her.

"What the hell?!" Erin yelled as she jumped out of bed and turned on the lights. "David! Tanya…Tracey?"  
"Erin, I can explain." Rossi said as he got out of bed and put on his boxers.  
"There's nothing to explain! I want you two sluts out of my house right NOW!"

Tanya and Tracey picked their clothes up on their way out. Strauss kept her eyes on the floor trying to avoid Rossi's. She was furious but more than anything, she was hurt. After five years of dedicating her life to that relationship, he had cheated on her and ruined everything they had.

David could see the pain in her eyes even as she tried to avoid his gaze. When he invited the other two agents over, he never thought he would end up feeling so guilty. He had cheated many times before in his life, but this was the first time he felt guilty about it. That made him realize that he loved Erin more than he had loved anyone before and he couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

"Don't worry, I'll get my things and be out of your way, Agent Rossi."  
"Erin, please let me explain."  
"What's there to explain? You cheated on me with the two other women working at the FBI. You brought them back to our apartment and had sex with them on our bed."  
"I am really sorry."  
"Sorry doesn't fix things." Strauss said as she started putting her clothes back on. "I am sorry I ever let you into my life. This is all my fault! I've always known the kind of man you are and people don't change."

As he saw Erin putting all her things away and getting ready to leave the house, he knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He didn't want to lose her but he realized he had already lost her. Strauss was the only woman he didn't want to hurt and ended up hurting the most.

"Please don't leave, we can fix this."  
"What for?" Erin looked at him. "You said it yourself the first time we met, you are afraid of commitment. We have been together for five years so this is obviously something real and that scares you. I'm not going to stay around and try to fix this when I know you will cheat on me again."  
"I wasn't thinking, Erin. I don't want to lose you."  
She let out a sarcastic laugh. "You lost me the minute you slept with them. Or did you think they wouldn't go around telling everyone about their threesome with Agent Rossi and keep it a secret? Sooner or later I would have found out, I just wish you hadn't used our bed for your adventure."

Strauss carried her bags out to the living room and sat on the couch. Without being able to stop them, tears started falling and rolling down her cheeks. For the last five years of her life, she had dedicated everything she had to David Rossi, which had even caused her trouble at work. She had been the perfect girlfriend and never asking of him more than what he was able to give. They had visited his family in Italy and they had all loved her. They had bought an apartment together. And in the end, as much as he said he loved her, he had broken her heart by sleeping with two of her co-workers, ruining her life.

David knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. Tears kept rolling down her face and the guilt kept taking over his body. He had never seen Erin Strauss looking so fragile and it killed him to know that he had done that to her. Her hands were shaking and all he wanted to do was hug her but he knew that wasn't what she wanted nor needed.

"Why?" She whispered between sobs as she raised her head and looked into his eyes. "Why did you have to do this to me? We were doing so well. I… I just don't understand why you felt the need to cheat on me, Dave."  
"I… I am really sorry, Erin. I don't know what got into me, why I had to do this to you. It was never my intention to hurt you."  
"But you did. You hurt me like no one else has hurt me before." Erin wiped her tears away. "This is the first time I cry since my father's death. I don't cry, I'm not that kind of woman, and yet here I am crying over you."  
"Bella mia…"  
"No, don't call me like that. It hurts too much."  
"What can I do for you? What can I do to make things better?"  
"There's nothing left for you to do, David. It's done. You did what you wanted to do and you were the one who decided to put an end to this relationship."  
"I don't want to lose you." He whispered as he rested his forehead against hers. "I don't want to lose you."  
She touched his cheek slowly with her fingertips. "You lost me when you decided it was okay to sleep with them."  
"I screwed up, didn't I?"  
"Yes, big time."  
"Will you ever forgive me?"  
"One day, but that day is not today."  
"I hope that day comes soon."  
"I doubt it will be soon." Erin kissed his lips softly. "You made me the happiest I have ever been and for that I'm grateful. But that is it. Today our life together ends."  
"Don't say that."  
"You chose this."  
"You have to give me another chance, Erin."

As she heard him say her name, Strauss started crying again. She couldn't believe what was going on. She wished it was all a nightmare and she would wake up next to him on their bed cuddling like they did every night. But that wasn't the case. After all, her mother had been right. David Rossi wasn't a man worth of her love. She wanted to stop loving him right there but she knew it would take her a long time to stop having all the feelings she had for him. He had taught her how to love and how to be loved, but he had also taught her what having a broken heart meant. It didn't matter how many times he said he was sorry, she couldn't take him back. At one point in her life, she knew she would forgive him, but she could never forget what he had done.

"I will send my sister to pick up the rest of my things. I've got all my clothes but my books and jewelry are still here, so she will come pick them up."  
"I can bring them to you."  
"I'd rather not. I will be staying with my mom since I have nowhere else to go, and I would not want you to go there."  
"She was right, I wasn't the right man."  
"It hurts so much to know that she was right." Erin looked at him. "But to me you were the right man, you just didn't want to be right."  
"One day I will right my wrongs."  
"Don't make promises you cannot keep."  
"I am not promising you anything, I'm letting you know."  
She put her apartment keys in his hand. "The apartment is all yours."  
"You sure you don't want to stay here?"  
"And remember what you have done? No." Once again, she wiped the tears away. "Please don't go around the office talking about your threesome. I think I deserve some respect for the five years we were together."  
"I won't mention it. I really don't want to hurt you more than what I've already hurt you."  
"I should go now."

David watched her carry her suitcase out the door. He leaned against the apartment door and watched her as she waited for the elevator. She looked like the most beautiful woman in the world. Her make-up had been washed away by the tears, so there were black traces of mascara on her cheeks. Even after all the crying, she still looked stunning. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were swollen but nothing could ever make her look ugly. To him, she would always be the beautiful blonde woman he had fallen in love with. As she got on the elevator, he had the need to stop her, to tell her that he would change and everything would be alright, but he knew he couldn't promise her that. Maybe one day in the future, they would get back together and this horrible day would be just a painful memory.

Erin got on the elevator and she leaned against the wall. Before the doors closed, she saw him placing a hand on his chest, where his heart was, and nodding. She knew that was their goodbye. Before she disappeared in the shadows, she nodded at him and flashed him a sad smile. They both knew they would never have a love like the one they've had. What they've shared in the last five years was unique and no other partner they had in life could ever replace the love they lost. They were made for each other, but life was telling them it was time to move on.

"I told you he was a nasty man." Erica, Erin's mom, said as she handed her daughter a whiskey on the rocks. "He always seemed bad to me."  
"He isn't bad mom, he makes bad decisions." She took a big sip of whiskey.  
"Bad decisions make bad men. You should have listened to me when I told you he wasn't good for you."  
"No one is ever good in your eyes, mom."  
"That is not true, Erin."  
"Oh really? Please enlighten me, who is good in your eyes, mom?"  
"That handsome young man Edward."  
"Edward?"  
"Yes, from the club."  
"He is such a boring man!"  
"He is not. He is a very smart and intelligent man, who has a great future ahead of him."  
"David is smart as well. He knows about history and criminology and law and he speaks more than three languages."  
"Erin, you have to forget about David."  
"I am not going to forget about him in one day, mom!" She stood up. "Could you please stop talking shit about him? I know he hurt me more than anyone before, but he is the man I've loved for the last five years of my life. He is the man I still love today and that won't change because you talk nasty about him. He has never done anything to hurt you!"  
"Erin, lower your voice." Erica looked at her. "You are obviously tired so you should get some rest. Tomorrow I'm taking you to the club so you can meet Edward. You two would make a perfect couple."  
"I just broke up with my five years-long boyfriend and you expect me to go out with another man? You are crazier than I thought! Dad would never do this to me, he would have my back! And he would have never talked so much shit about David, he would have tried to make me feel better and remember the good things about him."  
"Too bad your father is gone."  
"You are such a bitch!"

Erin hated being home. Whenever she stayed with her mother, she felt like an insecure teenager again and she just wanted to run away. David had always understood the awful dynamic they had and had her back whenever they had to visit her mother. Back in 1981, when Erin lost her father, David had been the one to hold her hand and help her stand tall as her mother broke down. But she was the one breaking down and she had no one to help her. Her mother was trying to set her up with some random guy from the club. Her father was gone. Her sister was too busy raising her daughters. And David was the reason she was breaking down.

For the first time in five years, Erin Strauss felt lost.


	4. Don't Make Me

Reviews are more than welcomed so I can know whether you are liking where the story is going, thank you! And thank you to the ones that are following the story, makes me happy.

* * *

**Baby, I love you, don't wanna lose you  
Don't make me let you go  
Took such a long time for me to find you  
Don't make me let you go  
Baby, I'm begging please  
And I'm down here on my knees  
I don't wanna have to set you free  
Don't make me (Don't make me – Blake Shelton)**

_1987 (26 years ago):_

Erin stood in the middle of the hotel room in her big white wedding dress and looked at her reflection on the mirror. The dress was beautiful. The make-up looked flawless. The hair looked perfect. The bride wasn't happy. The groom wasn't the right one, the one she wanted. But of course her mother insisted on making a big deal out of this wedding. After all, she was marrying Edward the smart young man from the club.

She regretted ever going out with him. She regretted the alcohol taking control of her body like it always did. She regretted sleeping with him. All those actions had led to her pregnancy. The minute Erica found out about it, she arranged everything so Erin and Edward could get married as soon as possible. Edward was a really sweet man but he wasn't the man she loved. She still had feelings for David and she wanted to be with him, but that wasn't possible.

"Knock knock knock." Emily, Erin's sister, said as she walked into the room. "You look beautiful, baby sister."  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome." She smiled. "Although, let me say that you do not look like any other bride, you have no smile plastered on your face."  
"That's because I don't want this and I won't go around faking smiles when I don't have to."  
"Oh come on, Erin! This isn't so bad."  
"Emily, you were the happiest woman on the day of your wedding. I am not."  
"Well maybe this gift I have for you will help."  
"I don't need gifts."  
"You will want this one, but it comes with rules."  
"Why would a gift need rules?"  
Emily ignored her question. "The rules are: no making out, no sex, no yelling, no crying and obviously not telling mom."  
"What kind of gift are you giving me? A stripper?"  
"An Italian one." She winked and stepped out to let the gift walk in.

Erin looked towards the door and was speechless as soon as she saw David Rossi walk into the bedroom. He was tanned because he'd been vacationing in Italy, she had heard about it in the office. His Italian charm was showing and he looked as handsome as always. Her legs went weak and her hormones started acting up. One look at the man and she was horny already.

"I'll let you two alone." Emily said and closed the door as she walked out.  
"Bella mia."  
"Dave." Erin looked at him. "You look good."  
"You look absolutely beautiful."  
"Expensive make-up, expensive clothes and expensive hair products would do that."  
"No, it's natural beauty the one that you carry around."  
"Pretty sure Tanya and Tracey looked more beautiful in your eyes."  
"Will there be a day in which you aren't so hard on me?"  
She laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm used to fighting you at the office."  
"I know. I had to take a break from your fighting. You are one spicy woman."  
"I am."

For a moment they said nothing. David looked at her and saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He wished she was getting ready for their wedding but he knew he had messed that up. Now Erin was getting ready to marry another man. A man that had been able to give her everything he couldn't. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her all day long. He wanted to get away with her, to run away from everything. But he knew his chance with Erin Strauss was gone, he had ruined it.

"Edward, is he good to you?"  
"He is a really nice man and he treats me with a lot of respect."  
"No love?"  
"We've just met, we can't be in love. But we care about each other deeply."  
"Then why are you marrying him, Erin?"  
"Because I'm pregnant."  
"Oh."  
"I got drunk and slept with him. That was two months ago and the minute I told my mother she said we had to get married."  
"Erica, charming as always."  
Erin laughed and knew Edward would never make a joke about her mother. "Yes. She didn't ask if I was okay with it, she simply ordered me to marry him. So, here I am about to marry him just like she wanted."  
"Congratulations on your baby."  
"Thank you. It wasn't the way I wanted to get pregnant nor the man I wanted to have kids with, but I've always wanted children."  
"I know that. I know you, Bella mia."  
"Yes, you do."

She moved a bit closer to him and held his hand. The warmth it irradiated made her feel a bit closer to home. David had been her home for five years and during the last two years of her life all they had done was fight. They fought over stupid things at work and she ended up crying after every fight. Even after all the things he had done to her and after all the time they've been apart, she still loved him with all her heart. She wish it was their wedding she was getting ready for, but he had ruined that chance and that was never going to happen. After that night, she would belong to another man and David would be just a lovely memory. Erin wanted to focus on her career and her pregnancy. She forgave Rossi for what he had done but she couldn't forget about the love they've shared or the way he had broken her heart.

"How are your ladies doing?"  
"I have no lady at the moment."  
"No girl companion on your Italy trip?"  
"You are the only woman I've ever taken to Italy with me. I didn't even take Carolyn."  
"You didn't?"  
"I didn't."  
"Oh."  
"I did love you, Erin. I made a big mistake, but that doesn't mean I didn't love you."  
It hurt her to hear him talk in past tense when she still loved him. "Well, you didn't show it. I gave you everything I had and you slept with two other women."  
"And I still don't forgive myself."  
"I forgave you."  
"Really?" He looked into her eyes.  
"Yes. I made peace with what you did and I forgave you for it. I will never forget all the beautiful things we've shared and I will never forget the way you broke my heart, but I forgive you."  
"It means a lot to me that you say this. I still feel guilty about what I did and knowing that you forgave me, gives me a sense of peace and maybe I can forgive myself."  
She squeezed his hand. "Go ahead and forgive yourself, Dave."  
"Why do you always find the way to make me feel better? I'm the one who hurt you and here you are giving me the strength to move on."  
"Maybe it is because my mother pressured me into moving on. Life has giving me other things to live for and I want you to have the same. You have the right to live and love."  
"But I still love you." He whispered lowly but loud enough for her to hear.  
"I still love you too."

David took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. He didn't care about her sister's rules or the fact that anyone could walk in and find them. He wanted to taste her lips against his and feel the way he used to. The look in her eyes told him that she wanted the exact same things. After these two years nothing had changed, they still loved each other the way they did before and they still wanted each other the way they did before. In the end and after all the things they had been through, they belonged together.

Slowly and trying his best not to ruin her make-up, he kissed her. He kissed her for all the times he wanted but couldn't kiss her in the last two years. He kissed her asking for her total forgiveness. He kissed her to let her know that he regretted cheating on her. And he felt her kissing back. She kissed him to show him that she still loved him. She kissed him to tell him that he was the man she wanted to marry. She kissed him to let him know that even if she was having someone else's baby, she still wanted to be his woman.

"You broke my sister's rules." Erin said as she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his. "You are getting in trouble."  
"You are worth it."  
"Dave, we can't do this. I am getting married in an hour."  
"I know and I wish it was our wedding."  
"I wish that too, but it's not possible. You cheated on me and put an end to this relationship. I had to move on because I was falling apart and now I'm pregnant with Edward's baby."  
"What if you weren't pregnant?"  
"Then I wouldn't be getting married, Dave."  
"I wish it was my baby."  
"You didn't want kids."  
"I know, but that way I'd keep you in my life."  
"It's too late for that. I'm only in your life as your co-worker, nothing else."  
"Don't you wish we could go back in time?"  
"Every single day."  
"Me too." He looked at her and felt his heart beating faster; he loved her more than ever. "My mom asked about you."  
"How is she? How's all your family?"  
"They are good, they missed you and asked about you."  
"I miss them too."  
"Maybe one day we can go back together."  
"And take Edward with us?" She laughed trying to make things a little less awkward.  
"We could have a threesome."  
"I doubt he'll agree to that."  
"Then he'll just have to watch how I have sex with his wife."  
"Oh no, that's not going to happen."  
"Have you decided you suddenly wanted to be a virgin until after your wedding? Because it's too late for that."  
"I haven't been a virgin since I was 16, pretty sure it's way too late for that."  
"Look at you badass Strauss losing your virginity at such a young age."  
Erin laughed again. God she loved the way he made her laugh. "You already knew that."  
"Indeed I did." He smiled. "Don't you love how you aren't the blonde bitch anymore?"  
"I do. I am now the badass blonde because I got to save our supervisor."  
"You did really great that night."  
"I always do great."  
"Especially if you are naked."  
"Agent Rossi!"

Emily walked in and saw her sister laughing like she hadn't in the last two years. She knew how hard it was for Erin to move on and forgive David for what he had done. Alcohol had taken over her sister's life and only when she found out she was pregnant did she stop drinking. God knew for how long she would stay away from alcohol. No one really confronted Strauss about her drinking but they all knew it was bad. It was something they did in the family, avoid their problems and pretend everything was okay. That was what had led to their father's suicide and she sure as hell didn't want that for her sister.

"David, you have to go. Mom is about to come and I wouldn't want her to see you." Emily interrupted them.  
"Give us a minute and he'll be right out."  
"Only one minute, Erin." Her sister said and walked out.  
"She's more like your mother than you are."  
"I am nothing like my mother."  
"Thank God." He kissed her again. "Good luck, Erin Strauss. Take care of your baby and make sure Edward treats you like the lady you are."  
"Thank you, David Rossi." She kissed him before he could speak again. "I will see you at work. And Dave, please stop hunting yourself with the past, you can move on."  
"I will try my best. I love you, Erin."  
"I love you too, David."

David stood in a corner of the room as the wedding began. Emily walked Erin down the aisle replacing their father. Erica stood in the front row and there were no expressions on her face, you couldn't know what was going on through her mind. But if you looked at Erin, you could see what she was feeling. You could see there was no happiness in her eyes and that she was doing this because she had too. But the split of second she looked at David, loved could be seen in her eyes and he knew that no matter what they did in their lives, they would always love each other.

As she sat on the car that night on her way to the airport, Erin kept thinking about David and the few minutes they had shared together earlier that day. It made her feel at peace to know that he still loved her. That she was not the only one holding onto the love they used to have. She knew that maybe at one point in their lives, they would find each other again and be able to express their love for one and other.


	5. Here's To Us

**Here's to us  
Here's to love  
All the times  
That we fucked up  
Here's to you  
Fill the glass  
Cause the last few days  
Have kicked my ass  
So let's give 'em hell  
Wish everybody well  
Here's to us  
Here's to us  
Stuck it out this far together  
Put our dreams through the shredder  
Let's toast cause things got better  
And everything could change like that  
And all these years go by so fast  
But nothing lasts forever (Here's To Us by Halestorm).**

_1990 (23 years ago):_

"I've heard you're in charge of the Christmas party." David Rossi said as he entered Erin Strauss' office.  
"Let me guess, you are here to offer your help."  
"I'm the host with the most."  
" I know that, but this is my turn to organize the party and you are not going to interfere."  
"I could help."  
"I don't need your help, Agent Rossi."  
"You never know."  
"I do know."

Erin had been trying to avoid him for the last three years of her life and here he was trying to help her organize a party. She had been married for three years. She couldn't say she was happily married but she was married to a nice man who treated her the way she deserved to. They had two children, Allison and Eli, who she loved with everything she had. She had the life she had always wanted. Maybe not with the man she loved, but she was content with her life and she wouldn't let Rossi ruin that for her.

"What do you want David?"  
"I told you. I offer you my help if you need it to organize the Christmas party."  
"I do know how to organize a party."  
"I never said you didn't."  
"Well… Thank you for your help, I won't be needing it anytime soon."  
"You are more than welcome, Erin."

David looked at her. He looked at her wedding ring. He looked at the photos of her children. And he felt like a stranger. It was three years ago that he stood in the middle of a hotel room watching her getting ready for her wedding with another man. A year after that, he had gotten married to Amelia, a chef from his favorite restaurant. He wasn't happy and he had just done it to get over Erin. And as he stood in her office, he knew he still loved her and he could feel that she still loved him too. Their kind of love was too hard to forget.

"How's Edward?"  
"He's fine, thank you. How's…Amelia?"  
"She's fine, thank you."  
"You're welcome."  
"How are Allison and Eli doing?"  
"They are both doing great." Erin's eyes filled with light as she thought about her children. "Allison just turned three and Eli will be one by the end of November."  
"Are they driving you crazy?"  
"They are but I couldn't be happier about it."  
"It's what you always wanted."  
"Yes, it is."  
"I'm happy for you."  
"Thank you, Dave."

She wanted to tell him that she wasn't as happy as she made it look like. That the ray of happiness that shone over life came from her children. That those kids were the only reason she was still married to Edward. That she was still in love with him. That she laid down in bed and thought about him every single night. That every time she had sex with Edward she imagined herself making love to him. That her marriage was a lie. That happiness wasn't part of her vocabulary. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell him the truth because if she said it out loud, she would break down. She was a broken woman and she didn't want anyone to know about it.

"How's married life treating you? It surprises me that you decided to get married for a second time." Erin said as she sat on the edge of her desk. "She must be really good in bed."  
He laughed. "She's not that good. Married life is one complicated thing and I'm thinking about getting a divorced."  
"You've been married for two years and you're already thinking about divorcing her."  
"You've been married for three years, look at me and tell me you aren't thinking about getting a divorce?"  
"I would never do that to my children."  
"That means you want a divorce but you won't get it because you have children, which I understand."  
"That's not what I meant."  
"I know you, Erin. I know how you think. I know how you act."  
"Am I that predictable?"  
"No, but I've known you for ten years."  
"Ten years already?"  
"Time flies by, I know."

David looked out the big window and could see the sunset. He thought about the first time he met Erin and how beautiful she looked. He thought about the day in which they moved into their new apartment and how sexy she looked in sweat pants. He thought about the day she had left him after he had cheated and how broken she looked. He thought about her wedding day and how much he wished he could run away with her. As he watched her sitting on her desk, he wanted to tell her that he loved her and none of his feelings for her had changed. But he knew no matter what he said, she would never leave her children.

"Why are you really here, David?"  
"I wanted to tell you something."  
"If you are going to say that you love me, please don't. I don't need that pain again."  
"It's not something painful, Erin."  
"It is. Because you keep saying you love me but when you had me you let me go. You cheated on me. You broke my heart. You ruined what we had. So you do not have the right to tell me you love me."  
"But I do."  
"I don't care whether you do or not. I am with Edward now and we have a family that I am not about to break."  
"One night, give me one night."  
"What for?"  
"To show you that I love you."  
"I cannot do that."  
"Please, Bella mia. One night only."  
"So you can have sex with me and then walk out of my office feeling like a winner?"  
"No, so that I can make love to you and show you how much I love you. I know you love me too."  
"The answer is still no."

David locked the door and then walked towards her desk. She didn't move, she sat still and watched his every move. Once he was close enough to her, he wrapped her legs around his waist and rested his forehead against hers. She could feel his breathing and could hear the beating of his heart. Erin looked into his eyes and knew that he truly loved her. She knew that whatever happened next was going to be a mistake and she'd probably regret it later on, but she wanted to feel his body close to hers.

He took her high heels off and ran his hands up her legs. Her skirt moved upwards as his hands explored her thighs. She threw her head back as he slowly started kissing her neck, nothing felt better than that. Rossi started unbuttoning her shirt and revealing her body. He still believed she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He kissed along her chest down to her stomach as he took his own shirt off. Every part of her body belonged to him and he knew another man had touched her and that made him angry, but he just wanted to enjoy that moment with her. Erin was his and he knew that would never change.

Their naked bodies laid on her office's floor as he made love to her. Every inch of her skin had been kissed while he worked his body. She kept moaning his name as their bodies became one, their hips matched each other's rhythm and their hearts kept beating at the same speed. They belonged together and making love proved that. She had never felt so loved in her life and he had never felt so good about sleeping with a woman before. They were both cheating but that didn't matter because all they could think about was each other.

He held her close to him as their breathings slowed down. Erin started crying and he knew her tears were a mix of happiness and sadness. She was happy she had slept with him and showed him she belonged to him. But she was also sad because she had cheated on Edward, who was a really nice man that had never hurt her.

"I'm a terrible terrible woman."  
"Erin, you are not."  
"I am! I'm a married woman and here I am sleeping with a married man."  
"We love each other."  
"That doesn't change the fact that this was wrong in every level."  
"Didn't you enjoy it?"  
"Of course I did! That's why I'm a terrible woman."  
"We all have weaknesses. You are mine and I am yours. We are only human, we make mistakes."  
"This is an awful mistake that I shouldn't have made. I have children, David. I have a life that I cannot break."  
"I know that and I'm not asking you to leave your husband and children. All I wanted is for you to know how much I love you."  
"You know I love you too, Dave."  
"You just showed me that you do."  
"I've always loved you."  
"I know, Bella mia, I know."  
"We'll have to pretend this never happened, okay?"  
"I'm sorry but I won't be able to do that."  
"You have to."  
"No. After five years I was finally able to show you how much you mean to me and I'm not about to pretend that didn't happen."  
"Dave."  
"I can handle the fact that you are married and have other man's children, but don't ask me to forget the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in years."  
"You were always a romantic." She kissed him before he could start talking again. "I won't forget what happened here, never."  
"Good, because I can't forget what we just did."

They parted ways that night and a part of them parted with each other. She belonged to him more than ever and he belonged to her like never before. They had both done something wrong that night, but they didn't regret it. Erin had always been in love with him and she knew that what they had done that night was going to happen one way or another. David felt the happiest he'd been in years. Sleeping with Strauss had been the best decision he'd taken in the last five years of his life and he would never regret it.

_Two months later:_

"Edward, we need to talk."  
"Sure, darling. What about?"  
"Remember that night two months ago in which I got home really late?"  
"Yes, you slept with David Rossi that night."  
"Yes."  
"You've already told me this, Erin, what is there to talk about?"  
"I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with David Rossi's baby."

Edward knew she wasn't lying. After their son Eli was born, they never had sex again. He was always too busy or she always found excuses to avoid him. But two months ago she had gotten home later than usual. That night as they laid down on their bed, Erin confessed to him that she had slept with David Rossi. He was mad at her but he wouldn't break their family. Edward always knew how much she loved David and he dealt with it. But he wouldn't let that man ruin their lives.

"I guess we are having another baby." He looked at her. "You'll tell everyone that the baby you are carrying is mine and your stupid mistake will stay between us."  
"I can't keep him from his baby."  
"Yes you can, or so help me Erin."  
"Edward…"  
"This isn't a discussion. Everyone will believe that baby is mine and we will have a third child. I am not letting you destroy our family."

That night Erin cried herself to sleep. She wanted to call Dave and tell him about their baby. She wanted to run away from Edward and take her children with her. But she knew if she told Rossi about their baby, Edward would find a way to hurt her. Edward was a nice man but, like her mother, for him everything had to be perfect so people wouldn't start talking shit about him. Erin's one night "mistake" with David Rossi had created a beautiful life that she now carried inside her body.


	6. It's Not Over

**But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it's over,  
It's over. It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back, but it's over.  
I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. I'm  
Shaking from the pain that's in my head. I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away  
The life I'd led. But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die. (It's Not Over by Secondhand Serenade)**

_1997 (16 years ago):_

"Erin, I have to talk to you." David said as he walked into her office. "Oh, I didn't know you had company."  
"Hi, Agent Rossi." 6 years old Kate said as she looked up from her drawing.  
"Hello, Kate." He smiled. "You can call me Dave."  
"Daddy says I have to call you Agent Rossi."

Erin closed her eyes to push the tears away. Every time Kate and Rossi found themselves in the same room, she felt pain all over her body. She wanted to tell them the truth, that they were father and daughter. But she couldn't. As nice as Edward was, Strauss had discovered he could be mean when he wanted to. Whenever Kate said she had met David, her husband would threaten her. He kept saying if Kate found out the truth, he would take Allison and Eli away. Erin knew he couldn't but she didn't want to put him against her.

"Kate, sweetheart, why don't you go draw on the desk outside my office while I talk to Agent Rossi?"  
"Yes, mommy." She smiled at David. "Goodbye, Agent Rossi."  
"Goodbye, young lady."

David watched her walk out and part of him believed he was that little girl's father. Two months after his "mistake" with Erin, she announced she was pregnant. At first, he thought it was his baby but when he confronted her, she told him, more than once, that he was wrong. But, Kate wasn't blonde like her parents or siblings and she didn't have her parents' eye color. And for some weird reason he could see his sister reflected in that 6 years old girl.

"What did you want to talk about, Dave?"  
"She looks like my sister."  
"What?" Erin knew he was right, Kate looked like Andrea Rossi.  
"Kate looks just like my sister Andrea."  
She laughed awkwardly. "No, she doesn't. Why would she look like your sister?"  
"I don't know." David shook his head. "That's not why I came though."  
"Why did you come?"  
"I want to tell you something before it goes public."  
"What is it, Dave?"  
"Well, as you already know, I am going through my third divorce."  
"Doesn't surprise me."  
"Always so sweet, Agent Strauss."  
"Oh, I am." She smirked.  
"Anyhow, that's not what I came to say."  
"Go to the point, Rossi."  
"It's not that easy, Erin."  
"Okay then, take your time."

Rossi sat on the couch in her office and remembered the night they slept together. It had caused him his second divorce but he didn't regret it. He looked at Erin and saw worry in her eyes. What he came to say wasn't for her to worry but he wanted her to be the first person to know.

"Remember that case I worked in which the parents of the three kids had been killed?"  
"Yes, I do."

Erin remembered that perfectly. It hadn't been her case but David talked to her about it every day. It had been two years ago. The night he got back he went straight to her office and cried in her arms. She comforted him as he blamed himself for not catching the unsub. It was the first time she had seen him cry and it proved that he still loved her. David was the kind of man to hide his emotions, so if he showed you how he felt, he cared about you deeply.

"I still think about those kids, Erin."  
"I know, you still keep their mother's bracelet with their faces and names."  
"I do." As a matter of fact, he had it in his pocket at the moment. "That case still haunts me and whenever we get cases like that one, I am not able to function."  
She sat next to him on the couch and held his hand. "We all have cases like that."  
"You don't. For some reason, you always solve your cases."  
"That's not true. In 1994, a little girl was raped and killed. It wasn't a serial killer but they assigned me the case anyway. Four months I worked the case trying to find the bastard who had killed her. And yet today I still haven't found him." Erin looked at him. "We all have cases that haunt us."

It was the first time he heard the story about that case and it surprised him. He had always known Erin was a strong woman and that story proved so. She had been able to keep doing her job, she climbed higher in the leading positions at the FBI and he knew she would soon be named Section Chief. David looked at her and then looked out the window to see Kate. He wished she was his daughter. He wished they were both part of his life. Maybe they would help him feel stronger and change his mind about his decision.

"But you are strong, Erin, you keep going."

Erin stood up and got a tiny box out of her drawer. She handed it to David and when he opened it, he saw a necklace with the initials SH.

"Stephanie Harrison was her name. I keep that as a reminder of where I want to get in life. I am not as strong as I seem, Dave."  
"But you are able to move forward in your career. I am not."  
"What are you trying to say?"  
"Today is my last day as Agent Rossi."  
"What?! Dave you can't leave the FBI! This is what you love doing, the only real thing you haven't screwed up."  
"Well thank you for that."  
"You know what I mean, David."  
"I can't keep going like this, Erin. That case really messed me up."  
"So use that to be stronger and help others in the same situation."  
"I've tried for the last two years to do that and I've failed."

Strauss couldn't find the words to make him stay. She knew no matter what she said, she would never change the stubborn David's mind. He was an amazing agent and she wished he could see that. But she knew he was doing what he needed to do. What bothered her most was that she had no idea when she'd see him again.

"We won't see each other anymore." She whispered.  
"We can meet outside the office, Erin."  
"But you know that won't happen. I will become just a memory of the co-worker you once slept with."  
"Erin Strauss, you are much more than that and you know it."  
"Well, I don't feel much more than that. I gave my life to you and you cheated on me. And now you're walking away from your life."

Without realizing, Erin was crying. She moved away from David and stood with her back to him. She cried for the past. She cried for her young daughter not knowing who her real father was. She cried for David not knowing the truth about their daughter. She cried for the love she had lost. She cried because she knew she was losing David in that moment.

David wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "I love you Erin Strauss and just because I'm leaving the FBI doesn't mean I'll stop caring about you. You know you call me and I'll be right here for you."  
"I love you too."  
"Mommy, I'm hungry!" Kate said as she entered the office and David moved away from Erin.  
"Okay, sweetheart. I will take you out for lunch."  
"Mommy are you crying?"  
"Yes, but it's okay baby."

Kate ran towards her mother and hugged her leg. David knew in that moment that no matter what happened between them, Erin would always have her children's love. He saw how much Kate cared about her mother and that gave him a sense of peace.

"I better let you go girls. I have a meeting with the director."  
"Good luck with that."  
"Thank you." David looked at Kate. "Goodbye, young lady."  
"Goodbye, Agent Rossi."  
"Kate go get your things from the desk outside."

Once Kate was gone, Erin took David's hands in hers. For a few seconds she looked at him without saying a word. After David left her office, she had no idea when she'd see him again and that made her sad but she knew he had to leave.

"Promise me you will call at least on my birthday, Rossi."  
"Only if you do the same."  
"You know I will."  
"I am just a phone call away."  
"Yes, I know."  
"Goodbye, Bella mia."

He kissed her cheek, right next to her lips, and walked out of her office. She didn't say goodbye, it was too painful to pronounce. As he walked to the director's office, he watched Erin and Kate get on the elevator. He knew their relationship would never be the same and no matter what, he'd always love her. It was the last time he would walk through that office. An office that held so much history between the two of them. An office that had witnessed their first encounter as lovers. An office that had seen Erin's tears every time she looked at him or Tanya or Tracey. An office that kept the secret of their "mistake" that night seven years ago. An office that knew and understood their love.

Later that night, after putting her children to sleep and making sure they were sleeping peacefully, Erin locked herself in her office. She pulled a photo from her drawer and looked at it. It was a picture of David and her with his sister, Andrea, on their trip to Italy. She had become really close to Andrea, they were now great friends. Luckily for her, Andrea had moved to the United States five years ago.

"Hello?" Andrea said with her Italian accent as she answered the phone.  
"Hi, it's me. Did I wake you?"  
"Erin, no not at all. How are you?"  
"Not so good, you?"  
"I'm fine. What's wrong?"  
"Your brother decided to quit today."  
"Yes, I know. How are you holding up?"  
"I feel I am about to have a breakdown. He came by my office today and Kate was there."  
"I bet that went well." Andrea was the only one who knew the truth about Erin's daughter.  
"He said she looked like you. After that, I just wanted to tell him the truth but I couldn't."  
"Erin, you know I love you but at some point you'll have to tell them."  
"I know." She sighed. "I just called to ask you a favor."  
"What can I do?"  
"Keep an eye on your brother for me."  
"I can do that."  
"Thank you."  
"Hey, Dave is calling me on my cell phone. I will call you tomorrow."  
"Okay. Goodnight."  
"Erin, please stay away from the whiskey."  
"I will."

But Strauss had lied. As soon as she hanged up, she poured herself a glass of whiskey. It was Friday and she wasn't working this weekend, she could drink as much as she wanted. But then she heard Kate screaming, probably a nightmare, and decided to put her daughter before herself.


	7. I Thought There Was Time

**I never thought that you would leave me  
I always thought that I could find you  
Somewhere near a phone to answer when I call  
Now you have my full attention  
Now you're all that I can think of  
This is not what I expected at all  
I thought there was time  
I thought there was time  
Are you even on this planet  
Can you see these pretty flowers  
Or am I standing here just talking to the wind  
How I wish that I had told you  
How I wish that I had shouted  
I love you I love you I love you I love you back then (I thought there was time by Blake Shelton)**

_2000 (13 years ago):_

"Well tell the Director today is my day off and there is no way I'll answer to his phone calls." Erin listened to her secretary as she rambled about the Director being on her ass about the cases. "No Casey, I am not joking and I am not going back in. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow." And like that she hanged up.

David Rossi watched her as she talked on the phone and he was glad she hadn't noticed him yet. He knew she was dropping her daughters at their dance classes and spent two hours at a Café reading his books. He had observed her for the last two weeks trying to find a way to approach her but he had not figured it out yet. She looked different, not bad different, just different. She had her short hair up in a bun and was wearing a suit even though she wasn't supposed to work that day. He imagined it was probably the way she looked now that she was Section Chief. Her promotion had been announced everywhere, it was the first time a woman reached that position. He was proud of her but he hadn't been able to tell her yet.

"I've heard he isn't that good of an author." David said as he sat on the chair across from her.  
"Whoever said that is a big liar." Erin said without taking her eyes from the book.  
"My publicist said it with the first manuscript."  
"Oh my god! David Rossi." She raised her eyes and looked at him. "How come I didn't recognize that unique voice of yours?"  
"I guess you've already forgotten it."  
"Well, you stopped calling a long time ago."  
"I'm sorry." He looked at her. "Happy belated birthday. I should have called you on Monday."

Erin shook her head pushing the memories and the tears away. Ever since he had left the FBI in 1997, she had never missed any of his birthdays. She'd call him really early in the morning, before her children and Edward woke up, and wish him a lovely day. He did the same the first year, but for the last two years he had never called her. She knew everything about him because she stayed in touch with Andrea but she had missed hearing his voice.

"I brought you something for the last two birthdays I've missed."  
"You brought me?" She looked confused. "Did you know I was going to be here?"  
"Okay this will sound really creepy but I've been following you for the last two weeks."  
"David is this some kind of joke?"  
"No. Let me explain."  
"Please do so."  
"Two weeks ago, I came to this Café with a friend of mine. We had to meet somewhere public, somewhere no one would ever suspect we were at."  
"Your Mafia friend?"  
"Yeah. Anyhow, he had to leave earlier so I stayed to watch the sunset. And that's when I saw you and your daughters walking out of the dance classes building. I wanted to go after you but I knew it wouldn't be the right thing to do in front of your daughters."  
"So you stalked me?"  
"I just came back a couple of times to see if you were here and the only day you were here was Friday. So the last two Fridays I've been coming here trying to get the courage to talk to you. I watched you read my book and wait for your daughters."  
"You could have talked to me, Dave."  
"I… I just couldn't find the right words. I had no idea what to say."

As he finished talking, he slid a tiny black box through the table and put it between her hands. He didn't speak, he just nodded and she knew she had to open it. When Erin opened the tiny box, her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe what she was looking at. Inside the tiny box there was a necklace with the infinity symbol and their initials on the middle of it. The gesture had been wonderful but seeing what he had bought for her had left her speechless. Slowly, she took the necklace out of the box and put it on her neck. As he watched her wearing the necklace, he knew she still was the most beautiful woman he had laid eyes on. Erin Strauss was his definition of perfection; all her flaws made her perfect in his eyes.

"What's your husband going to say about the necklace if he sees you wearing it?"  
"I am no longer married to Edward." She showed him his hand and there was no ring on her finger. "We divorced each other last year."  
"I am really sorry, Erin."  
"You are not."  
"You are right, I'm not."  
She laughed and her eyes lighted up. "You are terrible, Dave."  
"That's what you like about me."  
"I do. Thank you so much for the necklace, it was a beautiful gesture."  
"I hope that's able to show at least a bit of the love I have for you."  
"It does."

David couldn't look at her so he looked out the window. He could see cars driving by, women and children walking in and out of the dance classes building, men walking down the street talking on their phones and the sun was starting to set. For the last two weeks, he had imagined himself talking to Erin and asking her to run away with him, but that was not needed anymore. She was a free woman and they were able to start their lives together. They could finally show their love to the world and nothing would stop them. Erin was the only woman he had loved for so many years and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Tell me about your life, Dave." She said bringing him back to reality. "What's been going on?"  
"Don't lie, I know Andrea tells you everything."  
"I want to hear it all from you."  
"Well… I am a three times divorced man, but you already knew that. All I've been doing for the last three years is write and write and write a little more. It keeps me occupied and away from all my worries. I found out that writing really helps me think about my life, so that's all I've done since I left the FBI."  
"Your writing is purely amazing; I enjoy reading your books quite a lot."  
"Thank you, Erin. I am really glad you've been reading them." He looked at her and smiled. "Now your turn, tell me about your life."  
"Well, where shall I start?" She laughed and thought about all the things that had happened in her life since they had stopped talking. "In 1998, Edward and I started suffering. Our marriage was a big lie and we couldn't keep going with it. He cheated on me in 1999 and I think that was what opened our eyes."  
"But you had cheated on him too."  
"He cheated on me with my sister, Dave."  
"What?! There is no way your perfect sister did that to you."  
"She blamed it on the alcohol, something us, Strauss, do all the time." She shook her head. "Anyhow, he cheated on me and I was done. I asked him for a divorce and he obviously agreed. Two months after that we were officially divorced. I moved out of the house, because I never liked it, and got my own place with the kids."  
"You could afford a new house?"  
"Oh, yeah back in 1997, a few months after you left, I was named Section Chief."  
"Well congratulations!"  
"Thank you." Erin smiled proudly. "After the divorce, I dedicated my entire life to my children and my job. And that's pretty much all my life."  
"How are the kids doing?"  
"Really good. Allison is 13, Eli is 11 and Kate is 9, they have all grown a lot since the last time you saw them. Allison and Kate are both taking dance classes, different courses of course, and Eli plays football, he loves it. The three of them are really good children and I am really proud to be their mom."  
"I am sure they are proud to have you as their mother."  
"I like to think they are."

For a moment none of them spoke. They couldn't believe they were actually sitting there together, talking about their lives, lives that they had led without each other. Erin had become everything she had ever wanted; she was a mother and had reached high positions in her line of work. David was not different from what she knew he would be; he wrote books sharing his experience with the world and living life in his own way, like always.

"Any men in your life?" David asked curiously.  
"I've been divorced for a year and I am not like you." She joked. "I am too busy to have a love life, Dave. What about you?"  
"I've slept with a few women since my last divorce, but nothing serious." He looked straight into her eyes. "I know who the right woman is but I haven't had the chance to be with her."  
"Dave…"  
"Erin, you are divorced this is the perfect time for us."  
"No, it's not. You cannot walk into my life and decide when it's okay for us to be together." She looked away before the tears started rolling. "I am just starting to have a relationship with my sister again. My kids are finally getting my full attention because I am finally the person I wanted to be at work. My life is starting to make sense after all the mess I've went through." Erin looked back at him. "It's not the perfect time for us, because there is nothing perfect about my life."  
"Your life doesn't have to be perfect, Erin!"  
"Dave, please. You have to understand I am not the young woman you met at that bar. I haven't changed, so don't give me that look, I just grew up. I took responsibility for my life, my mistakes and my succeeds. I went through a really rough patch in the last couple of years and I am just starting to feel complete again."  
"Edward is gone from your life, we can start over."  
"Edward isn't gone from my life. He's always going to be a part of my life because we share three children." She bit her tongue for hiding the truth from him yet again. "But he wasn't the only bad thing in my life. I spent a lot of nights drinking and I am just starting to control that awful habit."  
"I can help you. Erin, I can be there for you!"  
"I am really sorry, Dave."  
"How can you pass on an opportunity like this?"

She wished she could say yes to him. She wished they could start their relationship again. But she knew it wasn't the right time. It was true; she was just starting to take control of her life again. Her sister was reaching out to her, trying to fix their problems, and her children finally trusted her. She couldn't ruin all the work she was doing just to get into bed with David Rossi. No one could assure her that they would have a healthy relationship if they got back together. No one could assure her that he wouldn't run off with the first woman he saw. She loved him with all her heart, but she couldn't risk getting her heart broken again.

"It's time for me to get the girls from their dancing lesson."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"Thank you so much for the necklace, David, and thank you for chatting with me."  
"This is it? You are going to walk away pretending nothing has happened?"  
"But, nothing has happened."  
"I offered you a life together."  
"David, you are not ready for a life with me and neither am I."  
"That's not true."  
"It is. We both lead different lives, lives that aren't ready to merge together."  
"Does this mean you won't give us a chance?"  
"Not now. Maybe you'll have to stalk me a little more for that to happen."  
"I love you, Erin."  
"And I love you too, David, that's why I'm saying no."

And just like that, David watched the love of his life disappearing through the building doors. He had offered her a life together and she had rejected it. If he looked at it from her point of view, he understood why she had said no. But he kept thinking about it from his side of the story. He wanted Erin to be his and he knew he would have to work a lot to finally get that. David Rossi wouldn't give up, at some point in their lives, they would finally be together.


	8. Look How Far We've Come

**Stand up when you hear your name  
'Cus I think that we're the same  
We've got the same old hands  
We've made the same old plans  
Time to take it over  
Look how far we've come  
Some were never meant to come around  
Some were never meant to leave the ground. (Look How Far We've Come by Imagine Dragons)**

_2007 (6 years ago):_

It had been his first day back at the FBI and he didn't feel at home, like he used to. David had been looking for an excuse all day long to sneak into Erin's office. She had been really cold that morning when giving him his job and he wanted to know why. He had decided to come back to solve the one case that kept haunting him. But, he had come back for Erin, as well. He wanted to have her in his life and be a part of her life. It had been seven years ago when she had rejected him and he was expecting she would take him in this time.

Erin opened her office door. "Just come in already, Agent Rossi. You've been standing out my office for twenty minutes now."  
"I wanted to talk to you, Chief Strauss." He walked in and closed the door behind him. "I've been trying to come up with an excuse to walk into your office and talk to you."  
"You don't need an excuse. You can come talk to me whenever you need it." She sat back on her chair behind the desk. "I am your Chief so that means if you ever need anything, you just have to say it."  
"This isn't about work, Erin."  
"Then what is it about?"  
"Us. Our love."  
"Agent Rossi, this is no place to talk about that."  
"This place knows us better than we know ourselves."

Erin looked out her office's internal window and could see the other agents getting ready to go home. Those had been the two of them years ago. She knew he was right, this office knew their entire story…their history. Their love began in this building and she knew, no matter what, their love would end in that building as well.

The moment the Director had told her David Rossi was coming back to work, she felt beyond happy. It had been seven years since she last saw him and she couldn't wait to see him again. But then she had started thinking and all her happiness vanished. She would have to maintain a lie that she couldn't keep any longer. Erin would have to keep lying about their daughter and that killed her inside.

"Erin!" He said bringing her back to reality. "Where are you?"  
"Right here, Agent Rossi."  
"Come on, Bella mia, don't be so hard on me."  
"Please don't call me like that."  
"You used to love whenever I called you like that."  
"Used to. I am your boss now and you have to keep your distance."  
"This isn't you, Erin. Why are you acting this way?"  
"I'm not acting any way. It's been seven years since I last saw you and I don't know how to act or what to do."  
"You can act the same way you used to act." David looked at her. "I see you're still wearing the necklace I gave you."

David hated the distance she had established between them. He wished he could just hold her in his arms and go back in time. If she had agreed to a life with him, they would be together enjoying their life as a couple. But instead, they were in her office dying to say so many things that were better left unsaid. He could see in her eyes that she still loved him, but there was something she wasn't telling him. He knew, just by looking at her, she was keeping something from him.

"I will make it less awkward for you." He laughed. "How are your children doing?"  
"Well. Allison is twenty. She is in college and studying to become a fashion designer. She loves clothes and is the one who pushes me to go shopping for new clothes."  
"Good thing she does. You were never into fashion."  
"That is true. Eli is about to turn 18 and he's on his last year of high school. He just won a scholarship for college thanks to his great ability at football."  
"I am sure he got that from your ex. Sports and you don't mix."  
"Thank you." She laughed. "And my tiny one, Kate, is 16. She had a huge sweet sixteen party and for her that means her life is complete. She is so silly." Erin smiled at the thought of her younger daughter who looked exactly like David's sister. "Your sister came to the party."  
"I know, she told me. I've always wondered why you chose Andrea as Kate's godmother."  
"I chose her because she is my best friend, Dave."

Yes, Andrea was Kate's godmother because they were best friends but that wasn't the only reason. She had chosen Andrea because she was the only one who knew the truth. Erin believed that whenever Kate found out the truth about her father, she would need someone on her side to reach out to her daughter. She did not want to think about the day the truth came out, a lot of people would end up hating her. Every time she looked at her daughter, she saw David's family in her and she knew sooner or later she would have to tell the truth.

"Why did you decide to come back, Dave?"  
"I was thinking about trying to solve the case that still haunts me."  
"Do you still carry the bracelet with you?"  
"It's in my pocket as we speak."  
"Make sure you ask Penelope Garcia for all the information on that case; she's the best for that. I will make sure you find a way to solve this."  
"Are you saying you are going to help me?"  
"Yes, Dave, I am saying that." She smiled. "As Chief I have more resources and can contact more people than back then. I promise you, you will solve this case."

There she was. There was the Erin Strauss he knew and loved. The woman he cared about was strong, powerful, caring and loving. She cared more about everyone around her than herself. That was what made him fall in love with her. And now, as she promised to help him, he knew he had made the right choice by coming back and fighting for her.

"That case isn't the only reason why I'm back." David looked at her. "I came back for you, Erin."  
"David…"  
"No." He interrupted her. "Let me talk. Seven years ago, I asked you to let me into your life and you rejected me. It took me a while to understand where you were coming from, but then I got it. I spent seven years out of your life and now I want to be a part of it. I love you, Erin, and I know you love me too. Please don't push me away again. Please let me stay."  
"I love you too, David. I am really glad you are back."  
He leaned forward and held her hands between his. "I am not going anywhere, Bella mia. I am staying for you."  
"There are a few things you need to know and understand."  
"Just tell me and I will be able to understand whatever it is you say."  
"Number one, my mother still hates you."  
"Doesn't surprise me."  
"Number two, my sister and I aren't talking anymore. She is Edward's new girlfriend."  
"Well well well look who turned out to be the slutty Strauss."  
"Number three, my kids and Edward barely talk. He mostly talks to Alison and Eli; he doesn't really like Kate."  
"Why doesn't he like her?"

Erin realized she had made a huge mistake by saying that. Edward didn't like Kate because he knew she wasn't his daughter. He had always treated her differently which made Erin show a little more love to her than to her siblings. She loved all of her children equally but she knew Kate was the one with the hardest story. Alison and Eli knew the total truth about their lives, their sister didn't.

"Because…he blames her for our divorce and our failure." That wasn't completely false. "He says I only spent my time worrying over my career and then Kate took the rest of my free time."  
"He is such a bastard!"  
"Anyhow. Number four, you have to give me time to start trusting you again."  
"We have all our lives, Bella mia."  
"The rest of our lives?"  
"Yes. I am with you until the end."

As he drove back home, David felt a sense of peace taking over him. He had finally been able to prove Erin that he was going to fight for her. Maybe once in the past he had believed he had ruined every chance he had with her. But he was wrong. For some weird reason, mistake after mistake, Erin kept taking him back in and showing him that she loved him as much as he loved her.

"Hello?"  
"Hey handsome brother! It's your beautiful sister, Andrea."  
"A) I recognized your voice. B) You are the only sister I have."  
"I like that you didn't deny the fact that I am beautiful."  
"That's because you called me handsome."  
"Oh look at us getting along."  
"It won't last long so I suggest you get to the point."  
"I was just calling to see how your first day was."  
"Don't lie. You are calling to see if I have talked to Erin."  
"Have you?"  
"That is none of your business, beautiful sister."  
"Doesn't matter, I will call her and she will tell me."  
"Good luck."  
"We are best friends, she tells me everything, you know?"  
"Oh. Now that you have mentioned it, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure, handsome brother."  
"Why is it that Alison and Eli have other relatives as their godparents but Kate has you and your husband? And don't say it's because you are best friends because that's bullshit. Edward always cared more about appearances than friendships."  
"But it is the truth, David." Andrea got really nervous with his question. "Good night!"  
"Good night, Andrea."

A few blocks away from David's house, Erin sat in her living room going through some paperwork. She owned an apartment that had been decorated by her. Eli had his own room, to which he had chosen the colors of the walls and the posters that hanged from those same walls. Allison and Kate shared a bedroom. They had divided the bedroom by the different colors they had chosen for their walls. Allison's was pink and every single thing she owned had a place and you would never see them out of their place. She had decided to live at home while going to college to stay with her mother and siblings. Allison was a perfectionist which clearly proved she was Edward's daughter. Instead, Kate's side of the room was purple and had different quotes written on it with white and black. She wasn't a perfectionist but she did make sure her things were in order, not to show off for others but because she felt comfortable like that. If you took a look at Kate's things, you could clearly see she was David's daughter.

"Mom, I'm heading to sleep."  
"Okay, Katie." Erin looked up from her paperwork with a smile on her face.  
"Why are you smiling? You never smile when you read work stuff."  
"Well, I just had a really nice day."  
"What happened?"  
"Remember my old friend David?"  
"Agent Rossi?"  
"Yes, him."  
"Yes, I remember him. Why?"  
"He is back working at the office now and that makes me really happy because he is an amazing agent."  
"Are you sure it's just because of that? Isn't it because you've had the biggest crush on him since I can remember?"  
"What?! Kate, have you lost your mind?"  
"Oh mom, please! Even when I was a little kid I could see it in your eyes. You would ask me to go paint outside your office so you could have your private talks with him. You have always had a thing for him. Plus his sister, also known as my godmother and your best friend, told me you guys had a fling when you were younger."  
"She told you that?!"  
"Yes!"  
"Oh dear God."  
"I think it's really romantic and you should totally try to have something with him."  
"I thought you were going to sleep." She kissed her daughter's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."  
"Good night mom."

Erin was going to kill Andrea for sharing that information with her daughter. It made her happy that Kate would want to see her with David. It gave her hope to believe that whenever she was ready to tell both of them the truth, they would get along and maybe, just maybe, not hate her as much as she expected them to do.


	9. Just A Fool

**I say that I don't care  
And walk away whatever  
And I tell myself we were bad together  
But that's just me trying to move on without you  
But who am I kidding?  
I know what I'm missing I'm,  
I had my heart set on you  
But nothing else hurts like you do  
Who knew that love was so cruel  
And I waited and waited so long  
For someone who'll never come home  
It's my fault to think you'd be true  
I'm just a fool. (Just A Fool – By Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton)**

_2008 (5 years ago):_

Erin was feeling lonely. It was Friday night and all her children were out with friends. Allison was at a college party with her boyfriend, Eli was at an "almost done" high school party because he had a month left and Kate was at a house-party with some of her friends. She was used to being alone on Friday nights, but tonight she did not want to be on her own. The last case the team had worked on had hit really close to home.

A serial killer had been killing women who had lied or were lying to their children. The entire case had made her feel bad about herself and she wished she could finally tell Kate the truth. Both Alison and Eli were of age so Edward couldn't take them away and he wasn't paying Kate's child support but his threats still bothered her. To make things even worse, David had spent the entire case talking about how a mother should never lie to her children. His statement made her feel terribly and believe that he would hate her whenever she told him the truth.

The doorbell rang and it scared her because the phone hadn't rang to announce there was someone downstairs. She grabbed her gun and slowly opened the door.

"I am bad but I don't think I deserve to be killed by a gunshot."  
"Rossi what the hell are you doing here?" Strauss asked as she put her gun back in the secret compartment. "You scared me."  
"I'm sorry. There was an old lady walking into the building and she said I looked a lot like Kate so I was probably her father and let me in."  
Erin let out an awkward laugh. "That woman must be blind! You being Kate's father? Ridiculous!"  
"Yes, I know that, Erin." He looked at her with confusion. "Do not freak out over a stupid comment."  
"I am not freaking out, David."  
"Let your face know, Bella mia."  
"I'm fine." She sighed. "Anyway, why are you here?"  
"It's Friday and we just finished a horrible case, so I decided to bring you Chinese food… I remembered it was your favorite."  
"That was very thoughtful of you. Thank you."  
"You're welcome. Just relax, I'll open a bottle of white wine and make us plates with food."  
"Best Friday in a long time."

As Erin sat on her big white couch, David walked to the kitchen to get their dinner ready. It was going to be the first dinner they had together after a really long time. He poured two glasses of wine and made a mental note of only letting her have two glasses; he knew more than that wouldn't be good. Afterwards, he made their plates with a bit of everything he had bought at her favorite Chinese restaurant.

When he walked out of the kitchen, the first thing he saw was Erin sitting on the couch. She had her arms wrapped around herself and was curled up on the left of the couch. He knew her mind was speeding as she looked out the window, he knew she was thinking about a million different things. Although they had known each other for many years, he had never been able to guess what was really on her mind. Erin Strauss had always found a way to hide her thoughts and feelings from the rest of the world.

"I know you better than anyone and still I can never know what's on your mind." David said as he handed her the plate and put the wine glass on the table.  
"Believe me when I say you do not want to know what goes on in my mind."  
"I would love to finally see what your mind is made of."  
"It's full of unsolved cases, unsolved relationships, motherhood worries, bills to pay, mothers to please, sisters to hate and smiles to fake."  
"Erin Strauss, you are one complicated woman."  
"Did you just realize that?"

It had started to rain and they were both looking out the big window in the living room. Without knowing, they were both thinking about the same moment in time. There had been a memorable 4th of July they had once shared. They weren't young but certainly younger and had spent the day at the beach with a few of their co-workers. At night, they made a fire on the sand and were getting ready to see the fireworks when it started raining. The other agents ran back to the house they had rented at the beach for the weekend, but Erin and David decided to stay. The rain poured down fast and hard, but they didn't move. Erin sat against him as he had his arm around her shoulders. Nothing happened between them that night; they just enjoyed each other's company under the rain.

"It was never sexual between us." Erin said as she took a sip of wine. "Of course the sex is great, but it was never because of it that we stayed together. Makes me think that maybe you were in love with me after all."  
"I've always been in love with you, Erin. I wasn't with you just because you were good at sex. Fucking isn't the only thing I think about."  
"It's just that… You've always been a sexual person, Dave. I saw that with every woman you've dated but me. At first, I thought it was because you didn't enjoy sex with me but then I understood it was because you loved me."  
"Erin, why do you talk in past tense? I am in love with you. I love you." He moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I've only loved two women in my life. My first wife and you. She was easy to get over but you aren't and God knows I've tried to forget you. No matter how hard I try or who I go out with, you are the one I think about and the only one in my heart."  
"You've always been good with words."

David took the glass of wine from her hand and rested it on the table. Softly, as softly as ever, he kissed her as he pulled her body into his. He wanted to close the distance that had been there between them since he had returned to the FBI. Things weren't as awkward as they used to be but Erin still kept him as far as she could. That night was actually the first time they were together alone. She always found an excuse to avoid him or to have someone present when David was around. He knew, and felt inside of him, that Erin was hiding something from him.

"If you want to know about my mind, you should know it goes blank when you kiss me."  
"I'm a good kisser, what can I say?"  
"You are the only man who has ever respected me and wasn't afraid of my determination. Yes, you cheated on me but you were the best relationship I've ever had."  
"Finally you admit it!" He laughed. "I am a good guy, Bella mia."  
"I've always known that."

Erin was about to kiss David when the apartment door was opened and Kate walked in. Strauss felt her heart accelerating. She could already see her years of lying falling apart. David would obviously look at her daughter, their daughter, and immediately recognize Andrea in her. "This is it." She thought. "They are both going to hate me for the rest of my life".

"Oh shit! I'm sorry mom, I didn't know you had company."  
"That's okay sweetie. Do you remember David?"  
"Of course. Hello, Agent Rossi."  
"Many years have gone by and you're still calling me Agent Rossi."  
"I do it out of respect."  
"Please, out of respect, call me Dave."  
"Okay, Dave."  
"Sweetie, why did you get home so early?" Erin asked trying to get their attention.  
"Well… There was a lot of drinking and someone called the cops so I decided to get out of there before they arrived."  
"Oh my God, Kate!"  
"What?! I wasn't drinking, mom, I know I can't. Plus, I was smart and got out of there."  
"Why can't you drink?" David ask innocently.  
"Because she isn't old enough."  
"Mom, it's okay, we can tell Dave." Kate flashed him a smile that reminded him of Andrea. "I was born with a kidney failure which means if I drink even a glass of alcohol, I'll end up in the hospital."  
"I didn't know that." He looked at Erin. "You never mentioned it."  
"That's my fault. I was ashamed of it so I asked my mom and everyone in the family not to mention it. But you are Andrea's brother and that means I can trust you."

David looked at the young girl who reminded him so much of his sister and felt a connection with her. She had Erin's smile but the rest looked just like his family. He had always had his suspicions about Kate being his daughter but every time he asked Erin, they ended up fighting. Now as he heard about the girl's illness, he started suspecting it again. It was obvious she hadn't gotten it from the Strauss family since they all had drinking problems, including Erin. The only person he knew had that was his mother. David felt that maybe that was what Erin was hiding from him.

"Now that you mention my sister, you look a lot like her."  
"Oh, I've heard that before." Kate laughed just like Erin. "It probably is because I spend a lot of time with her. Some people say when you spend a lot of time with a person, you start looking like them."  
"You're probably right. Erin, doesn't she remind you of Andrea?"  
"I don't really see it."  
"Yeah, my mom is constantly denying it. She wants to believe I'm the brunette version of her."  
"Bella mia, that's insane! Your daughter doesn't look like you."  
"Oh you are the Bella mia dude!" Kate exclaimed.

She had once found a box inside her mother's closet full of letter from a guy who called her Bella mia. The letters weren't signed so she didn't know who had sent them. At one point, she had asked her dad if he had sent them but as she saw him getting really angry, she understood they weren't from him. For some reason her dad hated the man from the letters, a man that had clearly been important to her mother.

"Excuse me?"  
"You are the guy who sent those romantically beautiful letters to my mom. You are the man that my dad hates."  
"Kate!" Erin started getting really nervous.  
"It's okay, Bella mia. Well I truly hope I am the only one who calls your mother that way. And about your father, he has always hated me."  
"Why?"  
"Because I've always been the one your mom loves."  
"David that was completely out of place!"  
"You're lying!" Kate said as she started crying and ran to her bedroom.

Erin went after her daughter and that's when David understood he had, once again, blown his chance of being with her. But the truth was he was tired of having to hide his love and pretending they didn't have a history when they obviously did. Kate was old enough to know the truth and, if his suspicions were true and she was his daughter, she had to know about their past. He hadn't lied to the girl because, after all, Erin had always loved him.

"Don't cry, sweetie." Strauss said as she held her daughter in her arms and heard David leaving the apartment. "Please don't cry."  
"Is it true? What he said is it true?"  
"Yes, but that doesn't mean I didn't love your father."  
"Mom, you can't love two people at the same time."  
"You can. What you can't do is be in love with two people at the same time."  
"Were you ever in love with dad?"  
"No, sweetie. I've always been in love with David."  
"Then why did you marry another man?"  
"Dave cheated on me and I had a really rough time. I went out with Edward and got pregnant. Those were different times and my mother believed we had to get married."  
"But you had a family with dad."  
"Yes because we both loved each other. Katie, he's never been in love with me either. We cared and respected each other and that's why we stayed together. Until one day all that was gone and we couldn't pretend any longer."  
"I don't understand."  
"You are too young to understand. Plus, I'm not asking you to understand. David was out of place by saying what he said but in a way he was right." She looked at her daughter. "He is my best friend and the man I've always loved. I honestly hope you one day have a love like the one we have. That you find a man that loves you as much as he loves me and you love him as much as I love David."  
"Are you guys getting back together?"  
"We're working on it. We have to get pass a lot of things from the past."

It was in that moment that Erin understood she would have to be honest with David if she wanted their relationship to work. She wanted to be with him but for that to happen she would have to tell the truth no matter the consequences. If Kate had broken down over a simple comment, she could only imagine how she would react to finding out David Rossi was her biological father…hell would fall upon Erin Strauss' life.

* * *

**Author Note: I won't be posting in the next couple of weeks because I won't be able to be near a computer. Promise to upload as soon as I can!**


	10. The One That Got Away

**Talk about our future like we had a clue  
Never planned that one day I'd be losing you  
In another life I would be your girl  
We keep all our promises  
Be us against the world  
In another life I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say  
You were the one that got away  
The one that got away. (The One That Got Away by Katy Perry)**

_2009 (4 years ago):_

Erin was sitting in her office, looking out the window and thinking about the past. Today would have been her 29th anniversary with David, if he hadn't cheated. Every year on that day, she felt like the worst woman on Earth. She would go through every detail of their relationship and blame herself for his cheating. Although things had been going good with Rossi in the last years, the pain he had caused her still broke her heart. That's why she had decided to stay in her office and avoid him for as long as she could.

"I brought the case's paperwork." David announced.  
"Agent Hotchner usually does that."  
"I know, but I volunteered to do it… I wanted to see you."  
"Well, I don't want to see you so please leave the papers on my desk and leave. Thank you."  
"What's wrong with you, Bella mia?"  
"Do you have any idea what day it is?"  
"Friday. May 15th."  
"It would have been our 29th anniversary, if you hadn't cheated of course."  
"Why are you thinking about the past?"  
"Because it's important to me, David. Of course you wouldn't understand, you're the one who ruined it all."

David had no idea where Erin was coming from. They hadn't been together in years so there really wasn't a reason to get mad over an anniversary that would have been. That was, what he believed, the problem with women; instead of living day by day, they always thought about what would have been. He loved Strauss, he really did, but sometimes she overreacted over the stupidest things. So what if today would have been their anniversary? That was ages ago. What if he had cheated? It hadn't meant a thing to him. He wished Erin could understand he had always wanted and loved her.

"Erin, don't be like this. Things have been good between us lately."  
"I know." She let out a loud sigh. "I'm just sad."  
"Come on, Bella mia, it was a long time ago."  
"That's the problem! To you it was nothing, to me it was everything. You screwed up my life, David!"

Strauss turned around so he couldn't see her crying. David had simply moved on with his life but that was something she couldn't do. Yes, she had gotten married and had kids, but everything always came back to David. They had even slept together while she was married and her youngest daughter was actually their daughter. Ever since they had broken up, Erin had watched every step she took making sure no one would ever hurt her again. She had closed her heart and didn't let anyone in, not even her kids knew her real self, but Rossi always found a way to bring her walls down.

"It wasn't my intention, Erin."  
"Then what the fuck was your intention? What were you thinking when you decided to fuck them?" Erin had never said _fuck _so many times in her life.  
"I…I don't know." He touched his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "I really don't know."  
"So you simply decided to ruin our relationship for no reason at all? Well done!"  
"You were working too much."  
"Don't you dare! Don't you dare blame me for it!"  
"I am not blaming you. You wanted an answer, that is it. Erin, you worked too much and barely noticed me."

He couldn't believe what he was saying but that was the only reason he could think of. Back then, Strauss was trying to impress their boss so she worked non-stop and they saw each other only at night, sometimes not even that. It was a stupid excuse but that had been the reason for his cheating. Instead of talking to Erin about it, he had chosen the two women she hated the most and slept with them in their house. The minute he saw her tears, he regretted ever cheating on her, letting her down. She was the woman he had loved the most in his life and the woman he had hurt most in his life.

She couldn't control the tears anymore. "You've always known how important my career was, and still is, to me! Back then you were the one encouraging me and now you are blaming me for your cheating. How much more do you want to hurt me?"  
"I'm not trying to hurt you. You wanted a reason and that is it. I was mad at you for not paying attention to me and that was my way of getting back at you."  
"Well you did a great job! Not only did you ruin my personal life, you ruined my professional life as well. Everyone found out about your stupid threesome and I went from being the blonde bitch to being _poor stupid Erin_."  
"Oh come on, that's not true."  
"My boss called me in the next day to offer me a raise and tell me I could take some time off if I needed to be away from you and the two sluts."  
"I…I didn't know about that."  
"Because no one said a thing to you. They simply patted you on the back and gave you thumbs up."  
"Oh that's why they all congratulated me without a reason."

The day after Strauss found him cheating, everyone knew about it. Tracey and Tanya had told the entire office about it, making her look stupid. Their co-workers gave her sad looks and one of them had even left a box of chocolates on her desk. But when they saw David, they smiled at him and congratulated him; even though he didn't know why. No one had the courage to talk about his cheating; they just acted differently around Erin and David. One thing she was grateful for was that they didn't leave her alone with him or both women, that was a nice thing they did; maybe they thought she might kill them.

"You were the office hero, I was the stupid office girl."  
"I'm so sorry, Erin. Had I known what was going on, I would have stopped them."  
"Sorry doesn't fix things, David." She looked at him. "I trusted you with my life and you destroyed it."  
"Erin, you were able to overcome all that and you've come so far."  
"But you were always there! One way or another you found your way into my life again."  
"Because I love you."  
"Why didn't you show it before? You are always trying to find ways to get me but you never fixed your mistakes. Today is a reminder of that."  
"It should be a reminded of the love we have for one and other."  
"But it's not. Every time I try to think of us and the good old days, your cheating ruins everything." Erin closed her eyes. "Yes we've shared great moments in the last years but I'm always afraid you'll leave me again."  
"We're grown-ups now. We're older and we've both led our lives differently. Now we are here and instead of fighting we should be together."  
"Until you decide I work too much and cheat on me again."  
"Nowadays we both work too much, Bella mia."

Strauss got up from her chair and went to lay down on her office couch. She didn't want to think anymore. Loving David had been her full time job, loving him her entire adult life. Even after their break up, she still loved him. He was the man she had always wanted to be with. Handsome Italian David Rossi. She wanted to be mad at him but she couldn't because she knew he was the only one who truly understood her. Their connection was stronger than all the awful things life had thrown their way.

"I love you, David, and that's why it hurts so much. I've spent all my life loving you and I can't change that."  
"And I love you, Erin! You have to understand that I don't want to hurt you and I want to fix all the bad things I did."  
"You can't change the past."  
"But I can make up for it now and give you a wonderful future."  
"David, stop it. You don't understand."

But he did understand. He knew Erin better than anyone and could see the pain in her eyes. Rossi wished he could go back in time and change the past. If he hadn't cheated, maybe they would have a family of their own. He couldn't change the past but he could fight for the present and the future. Erin wouldn't trust him now and it would take time, but he would show her what she truly meant to him.

"I do understand, Erin. You are the one who doesn't understand me. I want to prove to you that I can be the man I used to be on the first days of our relationship."  
"That man is long gone, Dave."  
"No, he's not. The man you fell in love with is right here; he never left."  
"You changed and you're not that man anymore."  
"People don't change, Bella mia. We show different sides under different circumstances but deep down we are always the same."  
"I can't agree with you." She looked at him. "The minute you cheated was the minute you stopped being the man I fell in love with."

* * *

**Preview for chapter 11: You've kept a secret all your life. A secret that you can no longer hold in. Your entire life will change once the secret is out and you know that you will hurt people. You will hurt your daughter. You will hurt the man you love. You will hurt yourself. It doesn't matter how you try to put your secret out there, people are bound to get hurt. You can try your best to show that it was the only option you had but in the end you know that's a lie. You made a choice years ago and now it's time for you to speak the truth. Erin Strauss, your life is about to change forever.**


	11. My Fault

**Oh, it's on the warmest night  
It's in the brightest light  
It's when the world is moving  
Oh, it's in the faintest cry  
It's in the lover's eye  
Is when I need you most  
And don't you know?  
Is it my fault, is it my fault?  
We've been missing each other  
We've been missing each other  
My fault, is it my fault?  
We've been missing each other  
We've been missing each other. (My Fault by Imagine Dragons)**

_2010 (3 years ago):_

She held the scrapbook in her shaking hands and walked slowly down the hallway to Agent Rossi's office. It was stupid, but she felt everyone's eyes on her and it made her want to throw up from the nervousness running through her blood. Erin Strauss wasn't a woman that got intimidated or nervous, but she knew what she was about to do would change her life forever. Last night, as she sat in her studio drinking brandy, she realized it was time to tell the truth. She had been lying for nineteen years and both, David and Kate, deserved the truth. Edward couldn't hurt her in any kind of way and she couldn't keep hiding the truth from the world.

"Yes, I will send the manuscript tomorrow." David said into the phone, ignoring Erin's presence. "Don't worry."  
"Working on another book?" She said as she took a seat.  
"I was supposed to send it to my editor last week but I've had no time between cases. We're publishing it next month."  
"I'm sure it will be as good as the rest."  
"It will be even better." He laughed. "I worked really hard on this book."  
"You are a good writer; you don't have to work that hard. It's a talent you have."  
"Being a leader is in your DNA but you still work hard for it."  
"I guess you are right."

In the last year, David had managed to walk into Erin's life without making mistakes and she had opened her heart to him. Since their last fight, over their anniversary, they hadn't fought again which made both of them happy. He had been trying his best to show her how much he truly loved her. Although they weren't officially dating, they went out together and he would give her presents once in a while, because he knew women loved that. Their relationship was rocky and they had to work hard every single day to make it work, but it was worth it.

"So, Bella mia, what brings you to my humble office?"  
"There's something I have to tell you. Something I've been keeping from you for a really long time and I just can't hide it anymore."  
"Woman, you sound really scary." David laughed trying to break the tension that was floating in the air. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."  
"I don't want you to be mad at me. I don't want you to hate me."  
"Erin, I could never hate you."  
"After you hear what I have to say, you might start hating me."  
"Just tell me."  
"Before I tell you, you have to know something else. I couldn't tell you earlier because I had been threatened. If I had told you when I wanted to, I would have lost Allison and Eli."  
"What are you talking about? You have to give me more than that for me to understand."  
"This is really hard for me to say, Dave."  
"Just say it, Erin."

Strauss pressed the scrapbook to her chest and closed her eyes. She had a scrapbook for each of her children with photos since they were born up to the minute they had started college. In her hands, she held Kate's scrapbook that contained all the precious moments in the girl's life. Erin had brought it with her because after telling him the truth, she wanted David to see the scrapbook and through the photos live their daughter's life. She also wanted him to know that she had been the one to ask Andrea to keep the secret and he shouldn't be mad at her for that reason.

"I'm waiting, Erin." He looked straight into her eyes. "Tell me."  
"Do you remember that night many years ago when we slept together?"  
"Yes, you were still married to Edward."  
"Well…I got pregnant that night."  
"Are you saying…"  
"Yes," she interrupted him, "Kate is your daughter."  
"I knew it! Lo sapevo!" A proud smile was plastered on his face. "Since the moment you announced you were pregnant I've had a feeling she was my daughter. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this moment."  
"I have an idea, nineteen years. But…aren't you mad at me?"  
"I am furious but I can't let that ruin my happiness. I have a daughter. We have a daughter! That was all you ever wanted and, even after all the pain I caused you, I was able to make your dream come true."

David couldn't believe what was happening. Erin Strauss was actually sitting in his office confessing that her youngest daughter, Kate, was indeed their daughter. Yes, he should be mat at Strauss, but he couldn't. All Erin had talked about when they were together was having a baby. He had constantly said he couldn't because he had already lost a son, but now he realized he was a father. He was the father of a beautiful wonderful young woman. David felt the happiest he'd been in a really long time…until he remembered the threat.

"Wait. What was all that about someone threatening you to take Allison and Eli away?"  
"That night, after we had sex, I got back home and Edwards knew. I could see it in his eyes. A month later, I found out I was pregnant and he made me swear I wouldn't tell people the baby was yours. He said if I did, he would take my children away."  
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you?"  
"I was afraid of what he might do. I knew he couldn't really take them but he is a powerful man who has resources. Everything in me told me to go ahead and let you know the truth, but I couldn't risk it."  
"Look, I know I should be mad but I can only imagine what you went through. Having to lie to your own daughter and keeping such a huge secret from your family."  
"I was able to do so because I had someone to talk to."  
"My sister, right?"  
"Yes, she's known about Kate since the beginning." Erin looked at him. "I asked her not to tell you so please don't be mad at her."  
"I'm just glad you had someone on your side that you were able to talk to."  
"Andrea's been the best. And Kate does look like her."  
"Yes, a lot!"

Erin felt more alive than she had in many years. She was finally able to breathe and didn't have to live her life with a heavy burden on her shoulders. David had accepted the truth and instead of being mad, he had embraced being Kate's father. He was a good man and she was sure, in time, Kate would learn to accept the truth and love Rossi as her father. Telling the truth to him hadn't been as hard as she thought would be, but she knew talking to their daughter was going to be difficult.

"I brought Kate's scrapbook. It has photos from her entire life, since she was a baby up to last year when she started college. Maybe, if you go through these pictures, you will feel closer to her." Erin tried her best not to cry. "But before I show you, I want to ask you a favor."  
"Sure, Bella mia, whatever you need."  
"Tonight I'm having dinner with Kate and I would like you to join us. She deserves to know the truth and I believe it's a great opportunity for both of you to start bonding."  
"It would be an honor to join you and our daughter for dinner."  
"Thank you!" She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Dave."  
"I love you too, Erin."

They both sat on the couch in his office while Strauss showed him the scrapbook photos. He made questions about certain moments and she pointed out which were Kate's favorite things and who were her favorite people. David listened carefully trying to learn everything he could about their daughter. He found out she was allergic to strawberries and loved dancing; she was currently trying to be accepted by a prestigious dance school while studying arts at a college in Washington. Every time Erin spoke, he could see the sparkle of love and pride shinning in her eyes. Although Kate looked exactly like Andrea, you could see it in photos of them together, her expressions were all Strauss and that made him happy. He had yet to talk to Kate but he knew, no matter what, he already loved her as thought he had spent his entire life raising her.

"This is my favorite photo." Erin said as they looked through the photos of Kate's Sweet Sixteen. "She looks so happy entering the room and having everyone clapping and smiling at her."  
"I'm sure she felt like a princess."  
"Well…she has never been the kind of girl that wants to be a princess. But she sure as hell loves the attention, especially when she dances."  
"What was she dancing here?" He asked pointing to a picture of Kate dancing.  
"She was dancing to a mix of Madonna songs. All girls do a performance on their birthdays and she chose to dance."  
"She looks so happy."  
"Dancing makes her happy. She is dancing with her group on Saturday, you should come with me and see her dance."  
"I would love that."

By the time they were done with the scrapbook, they were snuggled closely together. Her high heels were on the floor and her legs were resting across his lap. He had an arm around his shoulders and with the other he ran his fingers along her left thigh. It had been a really long time since they had last been that intimate. Yes, the last year had been great for them, but they hadn't crossed the line between kisses and sex. Strauss had established early on that she didn't want to have sex until they figure their relationship out. And David took that as an opportunity to show her that he wanted more than sex from her.

"Hey Dave, do you have your paperwork?" Hotchner said as he entered the office without knocking. "Oh, I should have knocked."  
"That's okay, Agent Hotchner. I was just leaving." She put her high heels on and kissed Rossi's cheek. "I will see you tonight, And, Aaron, I trust you will be discreet."  
"So it is true, Strauss and you are dating."  
"We…I don't know what we are." David said as he closed the door. "You know about our past and, well, we never got over each other."  
"You were snuggling on your couch with Erin Strauss. No one else does that in the office, so I'm pretty sure you are dating her."  
"After what she told me, I guess we are."  
"Congratulations, you finally got her back."  
"Can I confide something on you?"  
"Yes, of course."  
"Years back, Erin and I slept together cheating on her husband. Today she finally confessed to me that the bay she had nine months later was mine. Her youngest daughter is my daughter as well."  
"Wow. Did you ever suspect she was yours?"  
"Yes, all the time. She looks exactly like my sister. But whenever I asked Erin about it, she would deny it. I have no idea what made her tell me. She just showed up with a scrapbook full of photos of Kate, told me the truth and shared Kate's life with me."  
"Knowing her I'm sure it was hard for her to talk to you. But, how do you feel?"  
"I am happy. You probably think I should be mad at her but I can't. When we were younger and together, all Erin would talk about was having my kids. I had lost a son and was too afraid to try again. But today, when she told me about Kate, I felt like, despite the cheating and the pain I've caused her, I was able to make one of her dreams come true."  
"Dave, that woman loves you and I am sure nothing has ever made her as happy as having your daughter."

Kate was sitting at a table when she saw her mother walking in with David Rossi. Last time she had seen him, he had told her about the love he had once shared with her mom and she ended up in tears. In her family the name David Rossi was forbidden. Her grandma, Erica, hated everyone that brought up his name in a conversation which only allowed her to believe that her mom and David had a very meaningful past.

"I hope you don't mind I asked David to join us." Erin said in the middle of their meal. "I have something to tell you and, since he just found out today, I thought it might be a good idea to have him here."  
"What is it, mom?"  
"Remember all those times you asked me why Edward didn't treat you the way he treated Allison or Eli?"  
"Yes."  
"I can finally tell you the real answer." She felt David squeezing her thigh under the table. "Edward had always acted that way towards you because he knew you weren't his daughter. Kate, you are David's daughter."  
"You've got to be kidding me." She looked at Rossi. "Did you know about this?"  
"Like Erin said, I found out today."  
"You are the worst mother anyone could have. How could you do this to me? Didn't I deserve to know the truth?"  
"You did, but I couldn't tell you."  
"I grew up believing I wasn't good enough because my dad never loved me only to find out he doesn't love me because I'm not his daughter. You cheated and kept me away from my real father."  
"I am so sorry, Kate."  
"Sorry doesn't fix things!" The teenager said before she ran out of the restaurant.

Erin had been right. Telling David the truth had been ten times easier than telling Kate. She was disgusted with herself for keeping such a big secret for so many years. But at the same time she was afraid. Afraid that, even though her relationship with Rossi was stronger than ever, she might end up losing her daughter, her precious baby girl.


	12. The First Time

_I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to update. I will really try my best to update more often, but know that I have a lot of work and it takes time for me to write every chapter. Thank you for your patience, means a lot to me. I hope you are enjoying the way this story is going._

* * *

**But we're gonna start by  
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,  
Shit talking up all night,  
Saying things we haven't for a while  
A while, yeah,  
We're smiling but we're close to tears,  
Even after all these years,  
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time  
But we both know how,  
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,  
When you pick yourself up,  
You get kicked to the dirt,  
Trying to make it work but,  
Man, these times are hard. (For The First Time by The Script)**

_2011 (2 years ago):_

"She's still mad at me, isn't she?"  
"Hello, Erin. I'm good, thank you."  
"Oh come on. We've already seen each other." She looked at him sitting down across from her at their favorite restaurant. "How is she? Is she still mad at me? Will she ever talk to me again?"  
"Kate is doing pretty well. During our lunch today, we talked about you and I could feel she is ready to talk to you."  
"Are you sure? I do not want to mess up."  
"Look, she knows you had no choice. She just doesn't understand why you didn't tell her as soon as you got divorced. And to be honest, she has a point there."  
"I…I guess I was afraid she would hate me and never talk to me again."  
"Bella mia, she doesn't hate you. You are her mother and no matter what you do, she could never hate you." David flashed her an ensuring smile. "If I have learned something during the last year, is that Kate loves and admires you so much. She just needs to find a way to get pass the pain this situation caused her."  
"I miss her, Dave. I haven't seen her nor spoken to her in a year. Do you know how bad that makes me feel?"  
"I promise I will talk to her again."

As David ordered their food and drinks, he knew what she liked, Strauss thought about his relationship with their daughter. Soon after she had told them the truth, Kate called Rossi and they started spending time together. They would have lunch on Wednesdays and dinner on Sundays, two things that had become traditions. The young woman had grown fond of her father while avoiding her mother. While Erin understood where she was coming from, she still cried at night missing her baby girl.

"Want to know what I was thinking about today?"  
"Yes, Mr. Rossi, I want to know."  
"I was thinking about our trip to Italy. Remember how much fun we had?"  
Erin smiled at the memories. "Oh yes! Such an amazing trip."  
"You were pretty wild those days."  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Oh really? So you don't remember when you ran naked through my family's vineyard? Or when we had sex in the kitchen when we were supposed to cook pasta?"  
"I am sure you have me confused with someone else."  
"My bad, my bad." David said while smirking.

During their visit to Italy, Rossi had been able to see Erin's wild side. One night, on a hot July, they drank wine under the moonlight. After the second bottle, they were both pretty drunk, particularly Erin. They were laughing and sharing stories, when Strauss took off her clothes and set off running around the family vineyard. He could see her naked reflection and in that moment he understood he was in love with her. Their trip had been his chance to truly get to know her and he never wanted to let her go.

"Remember when your aunt walked in on us having sex?"  
"How could I forget that? It was so awkward."  
"Yes because you were fucking me from behind and I was basically screaming your name."  
He laughed and the entire restaurant turned to look at him. "We used to have wild sex."  
"Oh yes! Especially during that trip. I think Italy's fresh air made me go wild."  
"We made amazing memories that summer, didn't we?"  
"We did and they were all I thought about when we were apart."  
"Really?"  
"Yes." She took a sip of wine before she continued speaking. "I would think about our walks along Rome while the sun set. Or the way your family made me feel at home. That was the happiest summer of my life."  
"It was mine too, Bella mia."

If she was honest with herself, there was one thing she had particularly loved. His family. His parents had moved back to Italy when Andrea was seventeen and Rossi twenty-seven. There, they lived with their siblings, cousins and many children. During their visit, Strauss had learned the meaning of having a big loud family. Her family was boring and silent; they would just work to keep appearances, what had led her father to suicide. But when it came to David's family, all they cared about was making you feel at home and show each other how much they loved them. That was, she believed, the real meaning of family.

"I've always wanted to have a family like yours, Dave."  
"Why? They are loud, noisy and all over each other's business."  
"But whenever you feel alone, you have them. Either you turn to your sister or parents or cousins or uncles or aunts. You will always have someone on your side."  
"And for that I am grateful."  
"I never had that." Erin looked down to her hands. "My dad killed himself because instead of helping him, my mom told him he had to keep pretending he had no problem with alcohol and made him feel ashamed of whom he was. My mother just cares about appearances and my sister slept with my ex-husband. I wanted my kids to have the kind of family you have, but that didn't happen."  
"It can still happen for Kate. And my family is so big, I am sure they won't have a problem including Alison and Eli."  
"Thank you, Dave."  
"What for?"  
"For truly caring about me and my children."

Throughout the last year, after finding out he was Kate's father, David had tried to win Alison and Eli's respect. They were both protective over their mother and didn't want to see her hurt again. He worked harder to gain Eli's trust because he knew the young man wouldn't let him play with Erin's feelings. Rossi wanted to be with Strauss, and they had been dating, but he could feel she hadn't let her guard completely off yet. He would give her all the time in the world because he loved her.

"Kate invited me to Eli's football game on Saturday."  
"She did?"  
"Yes, she said it would be good if I joined them. What do you think?"  
"You aren't a football fan." She laughed. "But it's always good for bonding."  
"I want Eli to like me, Erin. If he likes me, he won't dislike the idea of us being together. I never got your mother to like me, but I want your children to do so."  
"How come you can be such a jerk sometimes but so sweet in other occasions?"  
"It's because I love you and I want them to know I won't hurt you."  
"I trust you won't."

It had taken her years to start trusting him again. In the past, two seconds after gaining her trust, he would do something stupid and they would be back on bad terms. But now, after many years, Erin was finally opening up to him. She would share her fears and insecurities. He had been her shoulder to cry on throughout the last year when Kate had decided to ignore her. Strauss' life was never easy but she felt better with David by her side.

After dinner, they walked through the park and sat on a bench to watch the night go by. Erin was leaning against him as he ran his hand up and down her arm. From time to time he would kiss from her neck to her jaw-line and end up kissing her mouth. She got goose-bumps every time his lips touched her skin. It didn't matter how old she was, Erin Strauss would always feel nervous when kissing David Rossi.

"We should get married."  
"Yeah, right."  
"I'm serious, Bella mia. Let's get married."  
"I think you had too much wine."  
"Why? I am being honest. I've always wanted to make you my wife."  
"So I could be Mrs. David Rossi number four? No thank you."  
"Oh come on, Erin. You are dying to become my wife."  
"If you had asked me when we were younger, I would have said yes without thinking about it. But nowadays? I would have to say no."  
"What's the difference?"  
"Marriage gets complicated and we've already had the complications. Why can't we just enjoy what we have now? Aren't you happy?"  
"Of course I'm happy!"

If he was truly honest, he hadn't been that happy in a while. He was finally back with the love of his life and things were really working out between them. He had met his daughter, who was the most wonderful classy young woman he had ever met. His relationship with his sister had improved since Andrea had no longer a secret to keep from him. Little did he know that in two years a man seeking for revenge would take the source of his happiness away.

"I was thinking about taking Kate to Italy. She has been talking with a few family members and they all want to meet her. Do you think she would like that?"  
"Like it? She will love it, Dave!" Erin looked at him and the happiness could be seen in her eyes. "My family and Edward's family have never been nice to my children. Being the youngest one, Kate would always blame herself. Meeting your family, the sweetest people I have ever met, will really help her understand the meaning of family."  
"I will take her next summer. Andrea is going with her son and maybe he can help Kate feel part of the family."  
"Whenever you take her, they will all make her feel at home. It's what your big loud family does."  
"They are pretty great, aren't they?"  
"Yes, and Kate will love every single one of them."

Although having her daughter ignore her was really painful, she was happy about Kate and David's relationship. All her life, the young woman had felt hated and neglected by her father, by whom she believed was her father. But now that she got to spend time with her real father, she felt loved and cherished. And Erin could see Rossi's happiness. He would show up at work with a goofy small on his face and you could hear him laughing whenever Kate called him. Strauss felt good about the way the truth had come out and how things ended up being.

"Hotch knows about you being Kate's dad, right?"  
"Why do you ask?"  
"Because he mentioned something to me the other day and it made me wonder."  
"What did he say?"  
"He said something about not understanding women who hide fathers from their children and he looked straight at me."  
"I might have told him."  
"It's fine. He is your friend and I understand why you shared with him."  
"I am so happy about being her father, that I wanted everyone to know."  
"And she is happy to have you as her father."

Life had changed for David Rossi in the last year. He had become a father. He had become a boyfriend. But no tittle could ever describe his happiness. In his line of work, he saw some horrible things but what kept him going was knowing that he had a daughter and a woman who loved him waiting back at home.

What would happen to him in two years when a revengeful man went after his woman? How would he help his daughter get over the pain of losing her mother? No one would expect to see Erin Strauss dying. She was a hero and seemed immortal in everyone's eyes. But she was not.


	13. TO MY READERS

**TO ALL MY READERS OUT THERE, I AM REALLY SORRY IT'S TAKING ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. SCHOOL IS KEEPING ME REALLY BUSY. THE NEXT UPDATE FOR THIS STORY WILL BE BY THE END OF THE MONTH AND THEN IT WILL CONTINUE TO BE UPDATED AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. ONCE AGAIN, I AM SORRY IT TAKES ME LONGER TO UPDATE NOWADAYS. I HONESTLY APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT YOU READ MY STORY AND I JUST WANT TO KEEP GIVING YOU GUYS MORE. I WILL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THANK YOU!**


	14. God Gave Me You

**I've been a walking heartache  
I've made a mess of me  
The person that I've been lately  
Ain't who I wanna be  
But you stay here right beside me  
Watch as the storm blows through  
And I need you  
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs  
God gave me you for the days of doubt  
And for when I think I've lost my way  
There are no words here left to say, it's true  
God gave me you. (God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton)**

_2012 (1 year ago):_

He had tried to keep Erin's alcoholism out of his mind since he had met her, but tonight it was different. Morgan had found out about his boss' love and addiction with alcohol and with Hotch, they had confronted her. Rossi heard the entire conversation and he felt bad. He knew he could had helped her years ago but instead had avoided the topic. Now, Strauss was in her office feeling vulnerable and exposed, two things she never wanted to feel.

Erin couldn't believe the turn her life had taken that night. For the first time in years, she had been careless in her work and now she was paying the consequences. Agent Morgan and Agent Hotchner confronted her about her drinking problem and had given her an ultimatum. Either she took time off for rehab or they would file a report against her. She couldn't lose her job; she refused to believe after years of hard work she would have to walk away from everything she had worked so hard to get. Alcoholism was in her DNA and she had always known that. But until that day, Strauss believed she had her addiction under control. She was obviously wrong. What scared her most was the fact that facing her problems could make her lose her children. She didn't want them to see her as a weak woman. Especially Kate who had just started talking to her again.

"May I come in?"  
"Of course, Dave."  
"How are you doing?" He said as he sat next to her on the couch. "I heard what Morgan and Hotch said to you."  
"Well…I don't feel like myself and I don't know what to do."  
"Bella mia, what you have to do is pretty obvious."  
"But that would show I am weak."  
"So, you rather seem strong and lose everything you spent your entire life working for?"  
"I…I thought I had it under control."  
"You never did, Erin, and I should have helped you."  
"David, this isn't your fault. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."  
"Still, I should have done something."  
"I wouldn't have let you. My father asked for help and look how that turned out for him."

Henry Strauss had been a powerful business man. At age 25 he had founded his own company and kept it going perfectly until his death at 65. Around the age of 35 he had found comfort in alcohol after realizing that his wife, the woman he loved whole-heartedly, was with him for his money. At the beginning he would drink an entire bottle of wine every night but as time went by, he drank all day long. He had been strong enough to ask for help but Erica, his wife, made him feel ashamed and asked him to hide his addiction. And like that, ashamed and lonely, Henry hanged himself at 65.

"You aren't your father and I am not your mother, Erin."  
"What if rehab doesn't help me, Dave?"  
"I will be here every step of the way to keep you going. To help you be the woman I know you are. Alcohol doesn't dictate your life."  
"It has been dictating it since I was 25 and I don't think I can change that."  
"You never drank when you were pregnant. You did that for your children and you can do it again for them."  
"What if they feel ashamed of me being their mother? What if they stop talking to me? What if they start hating me?"  
"Do you seriously believe that, Bella mia? They love you and I am sure they will want to be there for you."  
"I don't want to be lonely like my daddy."  
"Erin, please understand that you aren't him. He allowed alcohol to control his life and in the end it killed him. You won't, you will fight alcohol and you will beat it."

David had met Henry when they first started dating but a few years later he killed himself. He knew how close Erin and her father were and how affected she had been by his death. She had always been aware of her drinking problem but denied it trying to convince herself she wouldn't be like her father. Now, as he watched her vulnerable on the couch, he understood she was afraid she would follow Henry's steps. Rossi knew he wouldn't lose Erin to alcohol.

"You will go to rehab and you will get better. I will be there for you and once you are out you will come back here and be the strong woman I know you are."  
"What if I lose my job?"  
"I promise I won't let that happen, okay? Once you are out, you will have your job right here."  
"Promise me you won't let people talk shit about me."  
"They will all think you went away to help your mother."  
"And they won't know I'm weak, right?"  
"Erin Strauss, you are the strongest woman I know."

Strauss was grateful for Rossi and his unconditional support. Their story was full of ups and downs but he had always had her back, especially when it came to her drinking problem. When they were at the same parties or events, he would control the amount of alcohol she ingested so she wouldn't get drunk and embarrass herself. And now, he was encouraging her to get better and fight for her life, for her children, for her job.

"Will you still love me once I am out?"  
"Erin, I've loved you all my life and I won't stop now."  
"You promise?"  
"I promise I will love you for the rest of my life."  
"Then I am ready to go to rehab and beat alcohol."  
"That's my girl."

David kissed her softly and just held her in his arms for a few minutes. He would have her back and wait for her. All he truly wanted was for Erin to get back in control of her life and be the woman he knew she was.

Rossi drove her home and she asked him to stay with her while she talked to her children. Erin was scared how her kids would react to her going to rehab and trying to get over her alcohol addiction. Of course they were aware of her drinking problem and had many times made comments about it but she had never dreamed of admitting it to them. That's why she wanted David by her side when talking to them; he gave her the strength she needed to face her problems.

"Why are we here, mom? Why is he here?" Eli said as he sat down at the dinning-room table. "What's going on?"  
"Eli, why don't you shut up and let mom talk?" Kate hated when her brother disrespected her father.  
"Kids, I called you here tonight because I have something to tell you." She looked at Eli. "David is here because he is the man I chose for my life and I need his support."  
"And he is my father so he can be here!" Kate said angrily.  
"Let's just allow mom to talk, okay?" Alison interfered. "Go ahead, mom."  
"As you know, my father was an alcoholic and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I've had drinking problems since I was 25 but they hadn't affected my life until now." Erin looked down to the floor. "My co-workers found me drunk at work and to keep my job I must go to rehab."  
"What can we do for you?" The eldest daughter said as she reached for her mother's hand. "Whatever you need, we will help you."

Kate started crying and, immediately, Rossi pulled her in for a hug. She was the youngest one and she had just gotten her mom back, she didn't want to lose her. The young woman was afraid her mom wouldn't get better. Alison, on the other hand, was ready to help her mom and step up to take care of her siblings. She had always been an independent girl and her reaction to the situation had proven it yet again. But Eli was mad. You could see the anger in his eyes as he walked around the room like a hungry tiger.

"I just need you to stay together and not worry about me. I will be fine in rehab and come out stronger."  
"You say you love her and will always protect her but you allowed the fucking alcohol to take over her life!" Eli kept his eyes on David. "What kind of man does that?"  
"Eli, this isn't David's fault."  
"Of course it is! He did nothing to help you!"  
Kate stood up and looked at her brother straight into his eyes. "And do you think your father is any better? Mom said she's had this problem since she was 25 and your father was married to her most of her life. So, why didn't he help her? Stop blaming others and focus on helping mom, Eli."  
"Look, Eli, I know you don't like me but we have one thing in common, we both love your mother. All we have to do is be here for her and help her with anything she needs."  
"David is right." Alison pointed out. "Mom is all that matters right now."

Erin wanted this nightmare to be over already. The whole thing had created fights between her children and between her son and the man she loved. She wished she had stopped drinking after her father's death; maybe like that things would be better. Alcohol had been her dad's downfall and now it was acting as a family breaker. Nobody was to blame but herself and she was the only one who could help herself.

"That went better than I expected." She said as she packed her suitcase and David watched her. "They all reacted like I knew they would."  
"You were expecting Eli to almost kill me?"  
"Oh yes! I knew he was going to take it out on you."  
"Why?"  
"Because he needed someone to blame and you are the best choice. He is mad at me but he won't say it because he doesn't want to hurt me. With you, he knows you won't get hurt by his words."  
"He is a smart kid. Although, he did hurt Kate with what he said."  
"My poor baby. I don't want her to suffer, you have to make sure she doesn't suffer."  
"Believe me when I say I won't let anything hurt her. I will take care of her."  
"And you? Who will take care of you, David?"  
"I don't need someone taking care of me."  
"You do." She sat on his lap. "Promise me you will talk to Hotch, if you need someone to listen to you. Don't keep everything inside. And promise me you won't fall in love with another woman."  
"Bella mia," he kissed her lips softly, "you are the only woman I want. I will be waiting for you and I won't stop loving you. And yes, I will talk to Hotch when needed."  
"I love you, David, don't forget it."  
"I won't."

As he drove down the road, David thought about the way Erin might be feeling. Since the moment he met her, he had known she was a strong powerful woman who never wanted to seem weak. She had worked all her life to look unbreakable in people's eyes. Having an addiction was a sign of weakness in her eyes. Knowing her the way he did, Rossi knew Strauss felt completely lost and vulnerable. He wished he could take her place and be the one going through it all.

"Here we are." David said as he stood next to the car while Erin grabbed her suitcase. "I am only allowed to come see you after you've been here for a month."  
"We will get through it."  
"Just focus on getting better, okay?"  
"Okay." She kissed him. "I will come out as the woman you know I am."  
"I have no doubt about it. You are a strong woman, Bella mia, and there's nothing you cannot do."  
"You make me feel stronger, Dave."  
"Go ahead. Go get better, Strauss."  
"I will see you in a month, Agent Rossi." Erin smiled trying not to cry. "I love you."  
"I love you too, Erin."

David watched her walk into the big house and felt a part of his heart leaving his body. A month wasn't that much compared to all the years they had waited to be together. She would get better and they would have a happy life together. He loved Erin Strauss and that wouldn't change.

"Agent Hotchner."  
"Hey, Hotch. Are you free? I need some guys time."  
"Yes, of course. Come on over."


End file.
